I've had enough, since I posted about my little episode of coitus interuptus everyone who's read it (not that many people admittedly) have been commenting on it, not that she caught us out but that we were "doin the do". Why? Why are people shocked? Everyone does it, even parents, it's how we all wound up existing so why is it scandalous to speak about it when you are married?
At first I thought it was the whole shagging versus making love debate, if you are married then you are "making love" and therefore it's somehow special and shouldn't be spoken about. (I've never understood making love, it just doesn't ring my bell, it just sounds insincere and a bit cheesy, "hey babe I really want to make love to you", yuck! I'd much rather have an honest shag any day). On reflection though it's not that at all, because most of the women I know who have been married for a while, or living together talk about sex in a kind of dismissive way, like they have to do it but don't want to, almost born again virgins!
These same people had no qualms talking about their sex lives with passion before they were in committed relationships, but once the honeymoon period is over it becomes acceptable to dismiss sex as another domestic chore. Now, please don't get me wrong my sex life doesn't involve swinging from the chandeliers ( anyone who knows me would find that image hilarious) but it's great, a bit of fun and the closeness is so important, especially at a time like now when our baby is so young it's a great way to connect (oh missus) with each other.
My husband has read my blog and has no problem with my honesty, I don't see why he would. Is it the Madonna- Whore debate? A woman who's young and single can talk about sex (a lot of the single sex in the city type blogs) but a married mother can't? There is a problem there. I've seen women when they talk about their husband say things that imply they don't find each other attractive, that they aren't enjoying each other (at times I've even lied in the company of some of my mates about fighting off my hubby-why? ) I don't believe these women, I'd say they are having a ball, but why do we feel like we have to lie - shame?
Is it another product of tabloid society that a healthy sex life is in some way something to be ashamed of? is it our catholic guilt? Thank God I don't have to confess enjoying marital relations to some frustrated old man in a dark confession box once a month. Still though the guilt is there. It used to be that only married people could enjoy sex (and only then for the purposes of procreation). Now we've had a total change of circumstances, only the single folks can have any fun!
I love my husband, we are together because we fancied each other when we were teenagers in our prime, now we are wrinkly, grey and softer in the middle we still fancy each other, but it's different and deeper (oh missus!) I'm not ashamed of that, I hope my kids are as lucky as I've been and they manage to find something as exciting!
I've just read the post and i realise I sound like Barbara Streisand's character in meet the Fockers! I don't think that's a bad thing, it's better than saying I feel ugly or rejected by my partner. Now if my hubby looks as good as Dustin Hoffman at that age I'll be a lucky woman!
7 comments:
Oh did you see Dustin Hoffman and his wife on Graham Norton? They looked so happy and content and great together and they're a Holywood couple married for about 30 years!
He's quite a man though, a great actor but doesn't appear to be a real diva (what's the male version of a diva?) Hubby doesn't look totally unlike him! My hubby would be a laid back kinda guy so maybe that's the secret, If hollywood couples can do it with their pressures then it should be a doddle for me! Btw, you know roller coaster.ie have a strand for SAHM, stay at home moms, yo should check it out if you haven't already, it's another support.
I will check that out, thanks you so much for thinking of me.
Today I'm sending photos of the three of us, photos of the new children's bedrooms and photos of our house to our social worker to send on to the kids we're going to be fostering. Dying to be SAHM now!
Lucky you with the DH lookalike husband!!
Nah, it's cause we'll all voyeuristic to a point. Plus we're totally immature :-). I don't know why we all focus on it, it's quite silly really. I know I'm one of the ones who keeps talking about it (tho I don't think I brought it up last night!). I think it's great that you two are happy, healthy people who obviously care about each other and that you're comfortable saying it. I'd like to see someone stop you from saying *anything* tho :-).
That's great aisling, you must be so excited, how much longer until you are a stay at home? Husband was a bit insulted to say the least that I compared him to Dustin Hoffman!
Elana, there are loads of things I don't say...I used to be much worse! I don't think our relationship is healthy I think the very idea of dependancy on someone for years can't be healthy! :-}
MW I'm finishing work at the end of June but am taking two weeks off at the beginning of June because Grace is doing her junior cert. God I feel old saying that.....
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