OK, so for all of my complaining about them i adore my midgets, each of them are different and unique (I can't wait to see what secrets my littlest one is hiding behind those big blue eyes) and I will always try to encourage them. My eldest is into singing and on Saturday he was part of the choir, now I love to hear him sing and have sat through loads of services but on Saturday I was tired and just didn't want to spend over an hour in the church, so i asked my nine year old son if he'd mind if i missed this one, the lure of being alone in the car for over an hour with my book (which I haven't opened in the six weeks since number three was born) was too strong. He looked at me with his big blue eyes and asked if I didn't want to hear him sing, i felt like the worst mother in the world, but i persisted and explained how i felt, i walked him over to the church and then returned to the car.
The guilt was intense and I considered going into the church but sure he wouldn't know I was there, I phoned my hubby to have my guilt assuaged but he thought it was hilarious that i was upset. So I sat in the car reading my book (I nearly finished it) and I'd love to say that I didn't enjoy it and I regret it but I don't! My son came skipping out of the church having had a grand ole time (not emotionally scared because I missed him sing), I was happy relaxed and less stressed and the rest of the day was easier because I'd had an hour to myself.
Children are total megalomaniacs, as they should be they need this to survive and we wouldn't want our children to be any other way, to be doormats. but they just take and take with no thought for the sacrifice parents make, I clearly remember my mother not eating so we had food when I was younger and then lying to us and my dad that she had a huge lunch. As a child I don't think I was aware of how selfless she was, and still is.
I have made hundreds of sacrifices over the year for my children, some tiny some huge but when is it okay to put yourself first? And will the guilt ever go away?
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8 comments:
I don't think the guilt ever goes! I still feel so guilty leaving my 15 year old at home when I go running, even though as a teenager she spends most of the time in bed! Fair play to you taking time out for yourself and you make a great point about 'sacrifice'.
I'm trying to take more time for myself alright, i look at my husband as a model he never feels like he is neglecting the kids and he is much happier. I think the guilt is a part of it we just have to accept as parents, well as mothers, At fifteen you must find it amazing to see her as a young woman, I always think that's the most fasinating thimg about being a parent we are gonna (hopefully) seee the adults they grow into, you are blessed that you are gonna be so young when she is grown. My eldest is nine, (I was twenty four when I had him), and he would quite happily spend all day in bed if he didn't have football! So I'm dreading the teenage changes in him!
We've been lucky with her as she's an angel and stunningly beautiful too (don't we all think that!) She really is very good and no trouble. I think they all seem to go through a horrible phase at age about 11, cheeky little sh*tes and grumpy too but after that all was good! Hope it's the same for you!
I'm sure she's fantastic, does she look like you? He seems to be in his preteen angry phase at the moment, finding it hard to concentrate and just like you said narky and in bad humour!I'm hoping he'll be ok as a teen he's very sensible and thoughtful, loves sport and is good in school, but my middle one, the girl is mad! really mad! She is gonna be really difficult! Her teenage years will be hell, she's my little double and I was so evil, I did the whole I never asked to be born thing, I'll be punished when she's thirteen!
People say she looks like me, but we're very different personalities. I find with the kids at any age it's all about who they hang around with, don't you think? If they have nice polite mannerly friends who say hi to you when they're in the house and are generally good natured then I'm happy! You're little boy sounds just like any boy his age, they're not as good at the concentrating as girls I don't think! Isn't it great when they like sport too?! And a thoughtful boy sounds like a bonus. You are blessed!
I know I'm blessed he's great, Neither my hubby or I were or are sporty so it's great, and I think it stands that kids who are into sport can maybe deal a bit better with the physical changes and hormones as teenagers also hope they are less likely to fall into bad company but maybe I'm wrong. His friends are nice and I make sure that we stay in touch cos it'll be too late when he's thirteen. He's a dote, my princess will be a devil....running away already. My folks have the two older ones tonight to give me a break, mum and dad both said I looked tired
God. Moved to hormonal eye-pricking tears a the thought of or mother not eating... it's like Little House on the Prarie!
I have never felt such guilt since I became a mother.
I traumatised my 4 year old daughter in Jungle mania the other day by teling her I was leaving while she was in the ball pool thing, and heading for the slide for a second time after final warnings were up - I'm sure I've done it before but this time she burst into terrified anguished tears and came zooming towards me - or trying to, through all the balls, and the escape hatch and other obstacles! And I seem to have made a lasting effect on her, she had a dream my husband and I left her behind the otehr night, and she keeps remarkign on how sad and scared she felt, and keeps asking me if I'm leaing her somewhere. God!
And I nearly drowned her in the bath when she was a tiny baby - and my midwife gave me my first dose of guilt by illustrating that in holding back on pushing I did squeeze her (my baby's) head - by putting fingers and thumbs round her own forehead and squeezing, making and 'oo I'm being squeezed' face!
Who knows what's to come, when I have two...
Jo, you'll be grand when you have two, you actually start to worry less about every tiny thing. My mum is a real irish mammy even now the men always get more dinner than the women, the largest slice of cake! My little munchkin is a real little madam when we are out, went to dundrum today and we had so many arguements, so many tantrums! I had the midwife guilt too, my eldest suffered from distress when he was born cos I couldn't push him out....my fault! Then the midwife who visited me at home said I had to get out and go for a walk only hours after coming home from the hospital, because it was good for the baby! So I limped up the road pushing the buggy, having to stop every few feet!!! Then the developmental checkups every couple of months, "how many words does the baby have?", "can he pick up peas with his finger?" loads of questions!
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