Farewell my darlings!

On Monday I'm leaving on a jet plane, do know when I'll be back again....Tuesday week! I'm really looking forward to seeing my lovely friends, but I'm terrified of leaving everything and everyone I love here.

You guys probably are like, "Jesus, she wanted to fecking go, now she's complaining!" You are right, I want to go away, I want to destress, I want to put myself to the test, step out of my box....travel out of my comfort zone! Most of you probably do things on your own, a night at the cinema, lunch in a cafe, a weekend away, a lone train journey. I on the other hand am never alone(for nine and a bit years now), I always have a little one attached to me, be it a coffee, trip to town or the bathroom.

If one more person asks me will I not miss the kids I'll explode! Of course I'll miss them, they are all part of me, they are my soul and heart, they are my reasons for living (I know it sounds like a Celine Dion song). I will miss them and I know they'll miss me but life is complicated and sometimes people we love go away from us, we miss them and when they return to us we are delighted and we enjoy them even more than we did before. I'll miss all of them for different reasons, the baby's snugly little velvety head, his gummy smile and those blue eyes, that my daughter calls his "blooming" eyes...so wide open. My daughter with her little grey tooth (that's what happens when monkeys jump on beds), she is so clever, sharp and funny, gentle and caring but incredibly headstrong and independent...I hope she never changes....her hubby will be one hell of a lucky man! And my handsome eldest son, my firstborn, so sensible and responsible, caring and loving, an amazing child, gentle but also a real boy, with his football and computer games, his little freckly face is so cute i want to smother him in kisses, while he still lets me! I'm gonna miss them with every fiber in my being, even now thinking about it I feel physically ill. But I'm still gonna do it.

Then my husband, living under the same roof for 14 years, same bed, I can't sleep when his warm body is missing, and when I do I wake up panicking. We've been away from each other a handful of days in that time, and then he was away and I was with my weenies and so not alone. While I'm worried that the kids will miss me too much, I worry he won't miss me enough, but that's not gonna stop me going either. I will miss him a lot, he's my rock, even when we've been through the mill and there have been bad times I still cling to him (oh god...I'm a limpet...or worse a barnacle). I'll miss him.

My parents were here today, I'm gonna miss them too, I see them at least twice a week and talk to my mum daily on the phone (btw my mobile won't work on the island). They love me so much they want me to be happy and travel, even though it scares them.

I'm counting my blessing tonight, all the little lovely things in my life that often get overlooked cos I'm stressed over a tantrum or a messy bedroom or no money for the phone bill. My life is good, and on Monday I'll be looking at my life from another continent and i think I'll be able to

see it clearly and come home refreshed and revived, and ready for another nine year stretch without a break. Fingers crossed!

I hope to post again before I go. If I don't take care of yourselves and each other....and write loads so I will have loads to catch up on!!!

Love xXx

Big girls

BBW, Big girls you are beautiful... don't be ashamed of your tum, or bingo wings..come on shake that booty to Mika....we are fecking fantastic. I'm so sick of being ashamed and self conscious. My size 18 body has made and delivered with minimal interference three amazing little people! stick on a corset, or magic knickers or push up bra, love your good bits....look at Beth Ditto she's a big curvy girl, but sexy. Confidence is soo sexy!

I know I'm like a broken record with this one, but it bugs me! I don't want anyone else to find me sexy, I don't want fat to be the new thin, I just want acceptance of everyone whatever they look like. There is room for the size zero role model , there should be room for the size 16, 18 or 24 whatever (admittedly we need a little more room)

Curvy is nice, I don't know why it's become such a terrible thing, people wrap it up in concern about peoples health, but it's not that, why should some stranger be concerned about my health...I'm not a smoker either...you can't get "passive fat"! You just don't like the way we look, you look away, it makes you feel uncomfortable...why?What's in your psyche that makes you so uncomfortable that you can't even look at me? Surely if I'm OK with me you shouldn't care if I paint my self purple and wear a gimp mask (neither of which are gonna happen...although then people would say look at that purple gimp mask fat woman)

On the other blog I post for some one has started a thread about dieting, all woman love to diet and it has resulted in people swapping tips etc, people engage with that, but being happy with yourself seems to be less popular, why? Is it a Catholic self hating guilt thing? I don't diet, I try to eat healthy but if I ever want to lose weight (which I do sometimes, funny thing is I always return to exactly the same weight when I return to my regular lifestyle) I go to the gym, only thing that works for me. Anyway, as a habitual non dieter I find it amazing we give it so much attention, DVD's, books, magazines ? We hand over our credit cards and our souls to these people, but surely if there ever was a magic diet (say stitch and starve) it could never be publicised, cos you buy it once, you lose weight (and the tricky bit) keep it off, that's it, you never need to buy another shake or book or carb free bar again.

Sorry, this is a recurring theme I know, I think what's brought it on now was sitting in the hairdressers last night, all the pictures in magazines put me in awful humour. I do honestly believe no matter how skinny you are you'll never be happy until you are happy in your own skin, be it size 4 or size 24!

Home

The picture above was taken in the year I was born 1973, I know it's mad it looks like something from the turn of the century . Well I suppose the mad argyle geansaí is fairly seventies, but apart from that it could be any era, any place outside the pale, post famine Ireland.

RTE are running a series at the moment which is about the was family life has changed in the last thirty odd years, it's fascinating, from Nell McCafferty talking about contraception (the condom on the late late show!) to the "Housewife of the Year" contest. What the programme brings home in black and white is just how much we have changed as a nation, now I know Dublin is a separate entity, and we are more European now than Irish, which is a good thing in my opinion, but even the footage from Dublin is shocking.

They have nothing....I mean nothing, we complain about the prices of houses and new cars, while looking through the Argos catalogue or planning a shopping trip to the Big Apple. They had nothing, there was a young newly wed couple, in a tiny flat, with their few meagre processions, the hand me down sofa and bed, tiny two ring stove, electric two bar fire and the "few wedding presents" as the young chap put it. We laugh at the idea of getting a toaster as a wedding present but they were so grateful for it, the few towels (from Frawleys) and a set of crockery! We really don't know how lucky we are, if we wear second hand clothes it's cos they are "vintage" if we get married it's a 30 grand party and honeymoon then back to our three bed semi detached in a pretty satellite town around Dublin. Okay so stuff is expensive, but we still have it! Do you think our young virginal couple went out for meals in town at the weekend or even had a takeaway and a bottle of wine? Nope.

I worry it's all happened so fast we are in danger of forgetting how bad it was, this couple weren't poverty stricken, they could afford to buy a flat, these weren't the people still living in the tenements in around Clanbrassil street or being moved out to Ballymun (to a better life). Sometimes, when i feel a bit cynical about it all i feel like we are in a handcart to hell, I think it's all so out of control, the owning, the possessing the shopping, but then I remember, remember the hand me down clothes, my dad's old banger of a car, not having central heating (coats on the beds in the winter) the coal fire mum had to clean out and set every morning before she went to work (if we have a fire now it's for effect), we also weren't poor, mum worked, dad worked two jobs, I had my first job aged 16.

We all give out about the state of the country, how we have too much of this and not enough spiritual depth, so when we were poorer were we happier....? I know what I think.

Give me new build houses we can afford (even if they are in Cavan), give me working mothers and childcare, give me contraception, give me civil partnerships for all couples regardless of sexual orientation, give me divorce, give me abortion, give me a secular state where the church can't screw us and get away with it!

The Celtic Tiger might have been a bit heavy handed and brought designer babes, drummy mummies and David McWilliams with his funny names for us all (well he's laughing all the way to the bank), but the tiger also squashed a lot of things we are so ashamed of we never mention now. If Joe O'Reilly had killed his wife in 1973 do you think he'd be behind bars?

Ministry of mums!

You have to look closely to get the point of the picture I think....It's way too small! Have you heard those adverts on the radio, woman calls up the "Ministry of Mum's" helpline, basically asking what the hell she is supposed to do with her little darlings for the school holidays? Love those adverts, for a couple of reasons.

Firstly I think there should be a minister for mum's, after all over half the population are women and how many of them again are mothers? I know there are female ministers and TD's but they never trade on the mum vote, why not? Because it's bad for their career to focus on the mother aspect of their life. If we had a minister for mum's we could be sure that there would be someone with our interests at heart, not the economy or the environment or whatever, but mothers. If half the population were all..... postmen say, I bet there would be a minister for postmen's rights!

Another reason I like that ad is the desperation in the voice over mum....just not desperate enough! There it is streching out in front of us....eight weeks of amusing the kids, it's grand if the weather is nice,beaches parks and playgrounds beckon, but if it's raining you are stuck in the house, endless play dates, baking so many cookies and cakes you gain a stone in the first three weeks and the kids are turned off sugar for life!

So the idea of the ad is bring the kiddy winks to Mc Donalds where the kids will be happy and not moan while you enjoy a nice Mc Cafe Espresso, they'll even carry your tray! At other times of the year the thought of bringing my kids to Mc Donalds fills me with dread (only use i have for Mc Donalds is as the perfect hangover cure, diet coke, fries and a MC Chicken sandwich with no mayo). But in the summer holidays I'd gladly dispatch them there daily if I thought it would work, feck it if zombie Hitler showed up at my door and asked me could he bring "zee Kinder" to Mc Donalds I'd lend him my car keys!

What a change though, when I was nine the summer holidays seemed so short, now I dread them and they seem an eternity! Maybe in a few years when my little ones are older I'll grow to love them again! Although probably not, then I'll be moaning about the young parents letting their kids run riot in the park!

Snow Patrol

Have you seen this video for the new Snow Patrol video, Signal fire? I love it! It's an excellent song, and I could just eat up the lead singer guy! But the video is so cute! watch it, let me know what you think!

Warning people growing old before their time!

I was in the travel agent last week sorting out travel insurance ( I might be taking a big jump and travelling to the states but I'm not ready to totally disregard my family, if plane crashes they'll get a nice pay out!) while there an elderly man came into the shop (out of the rainstorm raging outside), nice little man, soft cap, old style raincoat, not a trendy old person, real old skool! We were both waiting to be served, and as I have a sign on my forehead saying "talk to me", that's only visible to the elderly, tourists and crazy drunk people, he struck up the conversation about the weather that we've all been having for the last 6 weeks. He appeared to be a very average OAP, I was waiting for some paperwork and he headed up to the counter when the agent was free.

This was where the first surprise came, he was booking a trio for eight to Las Vegas, wow....I was stunned as they talked about dates and day trips. Then a mobile started to ring and it turned out to be the gentleman's, he excused himself from the counter and took the call, he was berating whoever was on the other end of the phone for not turning up at the forty foot for the swim that morning! OH MY GOD! This man has more fun in his life that i do!


So it got me thinking, our childhood years are a wonderful time (sometimes) but also the restrictions on your freedom can mean you don't get to do all the things you'd like to do. A few of my friends who are the same age bracket as myself and have kids and partners and mortgages, and feel like they have to "grow up", acting all responsible and "parent like" (whatever that is) I was suffering from a similar feeling for years, the difficulty of balancing a work and home life along with a social life of sorts! I've given it up though because it just doesn't work! Obviously I am a responsible adult, I've been doing this parenting thing for nearly ten years now and I'm not too shabby if I say so myself! But I realised somewhere along the way that my kids wouldn't thank me for sacrificing all the things that make me happy, just to be the "perfect" mother. I do honestly believe there are all sorts of kids and therefore all sorts of parents but the best parent is, of course a Happy Parent!

I was in my friends house Saturday night, herself and her hubby had us over for a yummy meal (and some vodka!), their two little ones were in the play room and we were in the kitchen eating and drinking, my hubby and I were struck by how funny it was, every time the weenies came into the kitchen to look for goodies or just some attention we reverted back to naughty teenagers trying to look like we hadn't been drinking!

Personally, I am looking forward to my "autumn years", when the kids are self sufficient enough that i can stay away for a week and not worry about school runs and washing their smalls.. just not worry as much, I will still worry but hopefully not so much!

My youngest baby will be 16 on my 50th birthday, so that morning it'll be nuddy swimming in the forty foot followed by a huge party and then off to Vegas the following day!

The second coming

I'm celebrating tonight, my Buzz Lightgear which we thought was dead as the dodo has risen like Lazarus from the dead.....(I'll go to hell for using religious metaphors for sex toys) the adverts tell the truth all it took were Duracell batteries!






This is the best thing that's happened to me this week!

"Alcohol my favorite accessory"

"Alcohol my favorite accessory, alcohol alternative to feeling like myself, Oh alcohol I still drink to your health!"

That's ripped from one of my favorite songs by the BNL, the best band in the universe (in my opinion), talking to a friend recently she told me a story about her friend who is like me, a big girl , who accessorises, so now one of my favorite catchphrases is, "I'm a big girl, we accessorise!"

And on that point I know I use alcohol as an accessory, I also know this is a bad thing!

While I was pregnant and not drinking I really became aware of using booze as an accessory, I avoided those "friends" I always drank around, cos a lot of the time the reason I drank in their company was to make them more tolerable or interesting. There were those awful nights out with people where the drunk talk was so awful I wanted to puncture my ear drums! It was very much the episode of the Simpsons where Barney is the designated driver, that was me, pregnant, moody, sober dropping people home while they talked sweet, sweet drunk talk!

I think my little guy was three weeks old when I had my first glass of wine in eight months (first month of pregnancy as I didn't know I'd a bun in the oven , I was still living la Vida Loca) It tasted amazing, and then the little buzz, the lovely mellowness! Now my drink of preference is red wine, but that's only in recent years, over the years I've drunk lots of different things and they all sum up different stages in my life, and they all have different effects on me!

As a teenager my first drink was cans of Ritz, we'd buy a supercan of coke (remember those) empty out the coke and decant the Ritz into the super can so we could sip it openly. Then I progressed to (gulp) Bacardi and coke (even thinking about this makes my stomach turn), my Debs was a Bacardi fuelled fest of ballgowns and sweaty mirror walls (Tamangos). Then the student years of Guinness, or if we were flush a bottle of vodka (so cheap it was like drain cleaner) drunk in shot form cos no matter what you mixed it with it was rough. At twenty I left home and moved in with my partner, there followed party after party, we had wine nights, beer nights and our favorite cocktail nights, where each person brought a bottle and we made all sorts of concoctions, one lasted twelve hours! Cider was a sitting in the local drink and southern comfort and Jack Daniels have featured as my luxury drinks over my twenties and early thirties!

As for the effects, (not health effects, I'm very aware of them - too much so sometimes, it would be better not to think about my liver or brain...."help Us!") But the effects on my mood. On Sunday some friends came over, I had a few pints of cider, hubby had a few whiskeys, about midnight he made a comment, I flew up the stairs to bed. A row followed, I was acting very out of character, the cider made me crazy!

Wine as I've mentioned makes me mellow, quite relaxed and calm... I wouldn't be dancing on the tables after a night on the grape. Tequila and vodka kinda speed me up, it's party fuel! Beer is a nice drink for a long day, it's a slow gentle buzz, no surprises, but Guinness? Oh god, it makes me totally crazy, like I'm a silly student again! The worst drink for me is Southern Comfort....or "the Great Leg Opener" as we call it in my house....seriously, that warming feeling just keeps on going down south when I drink Suddy!

So booze is an accessory and like flats or high heels, I pick and choose what suits the occasion and my mood, what would AA say?

Big car, small....?,

Do you like my new car? How impressed will the yummies at the school be when I drive up in that? I think it'll take up the whole road, squashing all the SUV's in it's path! I get really annoyed with people in SUVs I am anti SUV! Those huge cars, as high as a lorry, blacked out windows, like houses on wheels! You know what they look like, they are fairly prevalent in Dublin today, from Coolock to Blackrock they have full penetration. Wherever there is a tiny woman who needs to feed taller - they are there, wherever there is a couple who need a larger status symbol than their Lexus - they are there and wherever there is a sad separated man looking for a new view on life, and a newer model for a wife -they are there!

I hate them, for a variety of reasons, the way they affect the environment, the bull bars which kill on impact and the wanker drivers! Oh the wankers (I hate that word by the way but it applies here) they can't drive, you think when you got a huge car, the size of a bus that you'd make sure you could drive it. Maybe a special wanker driving course? Then the environment, they pay extra cos they buy extra fuel for the huge engine (are they the one's behind the war on terror, they need that petrol cheap damn it), road tax is more expensive cos of the big engine, is this enough? No, no,no they need a special tax, lets call it the SUV wanker tax.....or SWAT for short. I'm thinking 1000 Euro per month, also they should have to pay double the parking fees, as generally they can't park properly, and even if they can park the car is so big it takes up half of each parking space on either side!

Also they are maniacs on the road, several times I've nearly been side swiped by a tiny size zero yummy in a car, who just didn't see me in my little car. Last week while dropping the weenie to swimming, I was nearly killed by a wanker who turned right off the main road, if I had driven all the way up to the line she would have taken the drivers side off the car. Get hit by a standard car and it'll damage you and your vehicle, but when you are hit by one of these armoured houses you'll be destroyed!

I know I'm ranting, but it's a huge issue, and it's only gonna get worse as the cars just get bigger. I'm considering becoming Midget wrangler, environmental terrorist! petrol bombing the blighters (uninhabited of course)!

Happy Baby, Body Mind and Soul!

I had my babe's three month developmental check with the public health nurse on Thursday, now I've had some bad experiences with the health nurse before so I was dreading it! I had met her once before when the baby was a few days old, but I was so hormonal and crazy at the time I don't remember much!

So on Thursday morning I visited her, she was only complimentary about my babe, saying how lovely it was to see a baby so happy and healthy in body, mind and spirit. He is tall, 30", and big 14 lbs and 10oz! But he is so happy, so content and this was what she found so interesting, she said a lot about happy mother, happy baby! I have to agree with her, he is happy and I am happy! They say we are a different mother to each of our children, I'm definitely a happier mother than I was twice before!

But the funny thing was afterwards, I went to drop my son at swimming and i met my friend, "gosh you look lovely today, your make up looks cute", I told her I was at the nurse this morning, "ah!", so as she nods knowingly, So I figured meeting the health nurse i had to make an effort, nice outfit (skirt and top, high heeled boots) and put on make up (foundation, eyeshadow and red lipstick). "You know, I had to look good, nothing says I'm coping like pillar box red lipstick", followed by much laughter. Later I was telling one of my other friends about this and she was laughing, then saying maybe i was too perky, too positive!

You just can't win! I feel fine, i look fine and the baby is fine, but I still felt like i was being judged as a mother! I'm a wonderful mother, and if you spend any time in the company of my children you would be in doubt, I don't need a Eastern Health board employee to tell me that!

Do you think I'm sexy?

Do you like my new image? I went into town today to visit Lush, I'm bringing some nice things to my friend on Maine when I visit. I got some very lovely glittery shiny things, but I'm not gonna tell you exactly what I got in case it ruins the surprise! I got myself and the kids some lovely things, they have an amazing new hair product, my hair is really soft and lovely and I smell like Jasmine! So while in the Stephens Green centre I noticed that the Banana Tree shop on the top floor is closing down and I picked up two of the statues above for two euro each, they are so cute (I actually find them quite sexy! mmm, blue skin, sexy!)

I used to love the banana tree, buying all the Incense sticks, little Buddha's and mad tie dye bags. My nine year old was there with me and he pipes up with, "mum? Can I buy a mood ring?" My hubby and I both looked at each other, it was bizarre, it seems like only yesterday myself and my mates were buying mood rings and getting our noses pierced! I think it's gonna be exciting watching him go through the same things i did.

Then a quick trip into Dunnes I got a few bits and pieces for the trip, I actually bought a pair of shorts!!! Haven't worn shorts since I was twelve! When I got home each little bath bomb was wrapped in bubble wrap, and then put in my case, I then got all my clothes out from the wardrobe and decided what to bring with me. I love packing, I absolutely adore it! It's like getting ready for a big night out, I love getting ready for a night out, sometimes it's the best bit! Packing is so much fun, I'm a roller, I don't fold, I love it!

It's the expectation that packing brings, the possibility for adventure I suppose!

Relax, It's just parenthood!

If you've read my blog before you'll know I'm a mum, if one of your friends recommended you read my blog cos it gets a bit racy then read another post, this one is about being a mum! I have three weenies as you know, aged nine, three and three months. Now I have in the past found being a mum both rewarding and frustrating, I'm a total perfectionist and until recently I've felt like I had to be the perfect mother with the perfect little children in tow. For a long time I've felt like I was playing the role of a happy, perfect 50's housewife and mother!

It's become impossible to maintain this role playing recently, I just have so much going on with the kids and the house, trying to have a relationship with my husband and trying to have some "me" space that is just for me, knitting or reading or blogging. So recently I've begun a different form of parenting, I call it "full half assed parenting", I love my kids and I want the best for them but now I realise I can't be perfect with perfect children, but I can be happy with happy children.

I ignore the temper tantrum, don't make an issue of it, no idle threats I'm never gonna go through with, no "wait til we get home", I let the kids stay up a bit late if they want, then they sleep better. If they eat chicken nuggets for dinner I'm not wondering what will happen cos they don't have vegetables with every meal. It's don't sweat the small stuff, it's an paradigm shift, I ignore the not so perfect behaviour of my kids and I'm rewarded with less stressed and happier kids, they no longer feel the pressure to be perfect.

So a couple of weeks ago on a wintery June day my husband and I took the kids to the zoo (usually a stressful time, avoiding the places where sweets and icecream are sold) it was torrential rain, we got so wet within ten minutes we knew we just weren't gonna get any wetter! We didn't stress worrying about our weenies geetting cold, (they all had raincoats, and baby was bone dry in the buggy), we told the kids that they could have as many treats as they wanted (which worked out as two, which was what they would have had anyway) we let them run riot, only giving out if they were in danger of hurting or upsetting themselves or others. We had an amazing day, so much fun, we really relaxed and enjoyed our childrens company!

Then last Saturday we tried another thing we find stressful with the kids, town! With the same don't stress the small stuff attitude we headed into town, southside, bookshops, Fallon and Byrne and cup of coffee. It was great, ok kids got a bit loud and probably pissed off a few people, but they don't have to take them home so they could go have their coffee somewhere else if it bothered them so much . We had another lovely day. It's hard for me to turn of my feeling to be perfect, that people are judging me, but I don't know them, they don't know me, why do I care what they think?

It's really difficult to be perfect, it doesn't make you happy, it doesn't make your kids happy, maybe everyone should try to relax, it's not that hard!

Not a sex post

I've been worried that my blog about being a mother and all the ups and downs that brings has turned into a bit of a sex blog, my fellow bloggers on the group blog have been taking the piss! Now i think i talk about lots of different things on my blog, knitting, kids, relationships, day to day crap and yes sex! Last week I wrote a post about Mika and being a fat girl. I'm not one dimensional. I think it's odd that people notice me talking about sex, also I am actually starting to wonder if there is something wrong with me?

I've been sexually active since I was 17, same guy then as now, I've never had a period in my life when I didn't have sex, even while pregnant ( I know this freaks some people out), so I just think of it as a normal bodily function, like eating or drinking. I think about sex a lot, it's interesting, it titillates me as I watch kids TV, or while I do the school run! I just think it's natural. I was on the pill for a large period of time in my teens and twenties and not only did it make me a psycho, it also killed my sex drive, since I've given that up 8 years ago my sex drive has natural ups and downs. Does it make me a freak cos I like it? Like to think about it? Like to look at it? The reason I like the sexy pictures for the blog is cos they please me.

I like sex toys, does that make me a weirdo, or a pervert, or make my husband less of a man? It's a bit of spice, a bit of something different, like handcuffs or costumes or body shots! I'm not trying to appear more interesting than I am, this is me. I find that the more sex i have, the more orgasms I have solo or with my hubby the more i want it. Sex is healthy, it's free, it's exercise! It releases endorphins it makes you feel better if you are feeling stressed, it helps you sleep and it burns calories, what's not to like!

So I suppose if I'm a pervert than so be it, oh by the way i lied this is a sex post!

As promised- If I'm so fecking fat why am I invisible?

That's Beth Ditto of the band the Gossip in case you were wondering, she's there because she is a visible fat woman, in fact she's a visible fat, feminist, lesbian woman! I love her, totally, she has an amazing voice and balls of steel (probably keeps these in her bedside locker though). She's also about the same size I am, and yet she stripped to her nuddy for a magazine cover, even though she didn't have to, she's not the bloody pussy cat dolls, she's a singer, a rock star not a hooker in a fabricated band!

Beth stripped for me, she stripped for every fat girl, she stripped because she loves her body (look at the pride and arrogance in those eyes) she is proud of her body, and she should be it's curvy and sexy, she is sexy because she is so confident and happy. I love this picture ( hubby thinks it's photo shopped cos she has no cellulite!)

So the reason of this post is because as you know I'm big, but for some reason people don't see me, at all, the bigger I've gotten over the years the less visible I've become. Last week we had a BBQ and as the weather was totally crap I made a huge pot of chili, so on the Saturday I headed to Superquinn and was queueing at the meat counter, second in line and exactly five people came up to the counter and were served before me! I'm a big girl, you can so see me, I'm wearing a bright red size 18 T-shirt, you can't miss me!

People ignore you when you are big, it's almost as if you have a disability, people are afraid of looking at you, I live in Blackrock, I shop in superquinn, I'm always so polite, I let people pass me in the ailse, I keep my kids under control, but people they look right through me! I was leaving the supermarket the other day and a man in a wheel chair was trying to get in, so i stepped back and gestured, three people walked by me, and literally through him to get out! I was mortified, eventually he managed to get by them and thanked me with a lovely smile, but not before the three really important people (all women btw) walked past him!

Why are we in such a hurry to get everywhere? What happened to us? I remember when people gave out about London, and how rude people were, now it's the same here! Life is short, we should make the most of it, and part of that should be that you are nice to each other!

As I said I'm a big girl, so quite visible but people are selective about what they see, I've often been in a queue and people walk past me, I'd even have the buggy with me, which makes me huge and still they ignore me! I try making eye contact (why does nobody make eye contact anymore?) I try smiling, but people just don't see me!

But when I'm out at night, wearing a low, low cut top, my 40 DD's on display I have no problem getting noticed, maybe I should go around constantly with my boobs on display, in the hardware store "hi, where are your wrenches?", in the grocery store, "sorry do you stock melons?", or in the butchers" Hey what's your sausage like?" All the time with the girls on display! Maybe that will be my new outlook!

So it's OK to be fat if you are showing off your goodies, but not as you go about your daily day to day chores!

It's broken!!!

I am in mourning, I broke the G spot Japanese vibrator!!! I thought the Japanese made stuff that never broke! It's not that I'm some kind of nympho, I'm so upset, it was the best sex toy I'd ever had!!

Is there like a repair guy out there who specialises in sex toys? Can I walk into an electrician's and ask him to rewire it?

Arse, it's totally fucked, unlike me!

Post Number 69

Come on it's post number 69, what did you expect?

I have a friend, an old college friend, now while we were in college I worked in Woodies DIY, but my friend worked in the ice cream place in the Ilac centre, and God love her not a day went by when some wanker swaggered up to the counter "give us a 69 luv?" he he he, like she'd never heard it before!

Seriously what's the story with a 69? How the hell is it supposed to work? Anyone who knows my blog will know that I like sex and i consider myself a sexpert in my own bedroom, (I'm debating 100 favorite sexual acts, or 100 mothering tips for my 100th blog post), but I just have never gotten the point of the 69, i know how it's supposed to work, but it just doesn't! If you are concentrating on giving your partner pleasure you can't be enjoying yourself and if you concentrate on your own pleasure there is a chance you'll collapse on top of your partner and smother him!! I've been sexually active for 17 years now and I am yet to find a position to 69 that works.... enlighten me if you are in possession of this information!

I know the idea is from the Karma Sutra, and it has developed from the oriental Yin and Yang symbol, the man and woman in total unity! Maybe that's why it just doesn't work for me, after seventeen years I haven't found the balance of male and female power in my relationship!