The two eldest kiddy winks stayed in their grandparents last night. As the saying goes what happens in Granny's house stays in granny's house......except it doesn't, it always overflows into our house!
Granny and grandad dropped them home this afternoon, granny had brought their lunch with her, chocolate muffins and monster munch, seriously! The kids were hyper after a very late night and enough sugar to turn a small country into diabetics, oh the tears when I said no to the menu provided, and that was just granny, she honestly thought it was acceptable to give them crap and she told them if they ate their lunch they could have a treat! What the hell was the treat? Sugar coated heroin!
I'd often wondered why it took the kids two days to come down after visiting the grandparents, now I know, the combination of lack of sleep, being allowed to run riot ("but we can jump on the furniture/ write on the walls / invade Iraq, in Nanny's house"), and a diet that consists of the neglected food groups of hydrogenated fats, high fructose corn syrup and dehydrated noodles in pots!
Needless to say these are my husbands parents, my own parents adore and are adored by my little ones, but they are too afraid of my reaction to over indulge them. I have never hesitated in telling them what to do or more likely what they are doing wrong, but with my in laws I can't be as candid as I'd like. The problem is I totally disagree with the way they treat the kids when they are in their care and I suffer for days when they come home, especially my little girl who is three, so loves pushing the envelope as far as she possibly can, but I need a break once in a while and I'm willing to sacrifice a bit of my sanity for a night child free and a lie on.. maybe even a weekend away once in a blue moon.
I think a lot of parents are in a similar position, some are dependant on their parents or in laws to provide regular childcare as both parents are working. I've never needed to depend on either sets of grandparents on a daily basis and I'm grateful for that. It must be extremely difficult to convince these grandparents that your rules and regulations aren't just trying to rain on granny's (candy and firearms) parade, but that you have your little ones best interests at heart.
A friend of mine is a lone parent and her mother thinks as such she as free reign to tell her daughter how to raise her child, and she takes every opportunity to tell her what to do! It's been that way since she gave birth. While in Holles Street recently, recovering after giving birth, there was a young girl in the bed beside me who'd just had her first child, a lovely little boy and her mum would visit her every night and while she obviously worshipped the little guy she never missed an opportunity to belittle and criticise her daughter. I was totally horrified what will her future as a mother be like? Surely as a mother herself the granny would want to encourage and nurture her daughter as she embarked on this new chapter in her life as a mother.
Maybe my mother just has learnt by experience that telling me what to do never works and a long time ago she just let me make my own mistakes. I respect her skills as a mother so I often ask her advice but she never forces her opinion on me. I know that takes a lot of self control on her part not to step in and tell me what to do but it also shows me she trusts me, and she knows if I make a mistake I'll admit it. My mum has always been my greatest support, she thinks I'm a great mother and that means a lot to me, I always feel like I can ask her advice and confide in her. I'm extremely lucky and extremely grateful!
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