"Alcohol my favorite accessory"

"Alcohol my favorite accessory, alcohol alternative to feeling like myself, Oh alcohol I still drink to your health!"

That's ripped from one of my favorite songs by the BNL, the best band in the universe (in my opinion), talking to a friend recently she told me a story about her friend who is like me, a big girl , who accessorises, so now one of my favorite catchphrases is, "I'm a big girl, we accessorise!"

And on that point I know I use alcohol as an accessory, I also know this is a bad thing!

While I was pregnant and not drinking I really became aware of using booze as an accessory, I avoided those "friends" I always drank around, cos a lot of the time the reason I drank in their company was to make them more tolerable or interesting. There were those awful nights out with people where the drunk talk was so awful I wanted to puncture my ear drums! It was very much the episode of the Simpsons where Barney is the designated driver, that was me, pregnant, moody, sober dropping people home while they talked sweet, sweet drunk talk!

I think my little guy was three weeks old when I had my first glass of wine in eight months (first month of pregnancy as I didn't know I'd a bun in the oven , I was still living la Vida Loca) It tasted amazing, and then the little buzz, the lovely mellowness! Now my drink of preference is red wine, but that's only in recent years, over the years I've drunk lots of different things and they all sum up different stages in my life, and they all have different effects on me!

As a teenager my first drink was cans of Ritz, we'd buy a supercan of coke (remember those) empty out the coke and decant the Ritz into the super can so we could sip it openly. Then I progressed to (gulp) Bacardi and coke (even thinking about this makes my stomach turn), my Debs was a Bacardi fuelled fest of ballgowns and sweaty mirror walls (Tamangos). Then the student years of Guinness, or if we were flush a bottle of vodka (so cheap it was like drain cleaner) drunk in shot form cos no matter what you mixed it with it was rough. At twenty I left home and moved in with my partner, there followed party after party, we had wine nights, beer nights and our favorite cocktail nights, where each person brought a bottle and we made all sorts of concoctions, one lasted twelve hours! Cider was a sitting in the local drink and southern comfort and Jack Daniels have featured as my luxury drinks over my twenties and early thirties!

As for the effects, (not health effects, I'm very aware of them - too much so sometimes, it would be better not to think about my liver or brain...."help Us!") But the effects on my mood. On Sunday some friends came over, I had a few pints of cider, hubby had a few whiskeys, about midnight he made a comment, I flew up the stairs to bed. A row followed, I was acting very out of character, the cider made me crazy!

Wine as I've mentioned makes me mellow, quite relaxed and calm... I wouldn't be dancing on the tables after a night on the grape. Tequila and vodka kinda speed me up, it's party fuel! Beer is a nice drink for a long day, it's a slow gentle buzz, no surprises, but Guinness? Oh god, it makes me totally crazy, like I'm a silly student again! The worst drink for me is Southern Comfort....or "the Great Leg Opener" as we call it in my house....seriously, that warming feeling just keeps on going down south when I drink Suddy!

So booze is an accessory and like flats or high heels, I pick and choose what suits the occasion and my mood, what would AA say?

Big car, small....?,

Do you like my new car? How impressed will the yummies at the school be when I drive up in that? I think it'll take up the whole road, squashing all the SUV's in it's path! I get really annoyed with people in SUVs I am anti SUV! Those huge cars, as high as a lorry, blacked out windows, like houses on wheels! You know what they look like, they are fairly prevalent in Dublin today, from Coolock to Blackrock they have full penetration. Wherever there is a tiny woman who needs to feed taller - they are there, wherever there is a couple who need a larger status symbol than their Lexus - they are there and wherever there is a sad separated man looking for a new view on life, and a newer model for a wife -they are there!

I hate them, for a variety of reasons, the way they affect the environment, the bull bars which kill on impact and the wanker drivers! Oh the wankers (I hate that word by the way but it applies here) they can't drive, you think when you got a huge car, the size of a bus that you'd make sure you could drive it. Maybe a special wanker driving course? Then the environment, they pay extra cos they buy extra fuel for the huge engine (are they the one's behind the war on terror, they need that petrol cheap damn it), road tax is more expensive cos of the big engine, is this enough? No, no,no they need a special tax, lets call it the SUV wanker tax.....or SWAT for short. I'm thinking 1000 Euro per month, also they should have to pay double the parking fees, as generally they can't park properly, and even if they can park the car is so big it takes up half of each parking space on either side!

Also they are maniacs on the road, several times I've nearly been side swiped by a tiny size zero yummy in a car, who just didn't see me in my little car. Last week while dropping the weenie to swimming, I was nearly killed by a wanker who turned right off the main road, if I had driven all the way up to the line she would have taken the drivers side off the car. Get hit by a standard car and it'll damage you and your vehicle, but when you are hit by one of these armoured houses you'll be destroyed!

I know I'm ranting, but it's a huge issue, and it's only gonna get worse as the cars just get bigger. I'm considering becoming Midget wrangler, environmental terrorist! petrol bombing the blighters (uninhabited of course)!

Happy Baby, Body Mind and Soul!

I had my babe's three month developmental check with the public health nurse on Thursday, now I've had some bad experiences with the health nurse before so I was dreading it! I had met her once before when the baby was a few days old, but I was so hormonal and crazy at the time I don't remember much!

So on Thursday morning I visited her, she was only complimentary about my babe, saying how lovely it was to see a baby so happy and healthy in body, mind and spirit. He is tall, 30", and big 14 lbs and 10oz! But he is so happy, so content and this was what she found so interesting, she said a lot about happy mother, happy baby! I have to agree with her, he is happy and I am happy! They say we are a different mother to each of our children, I'm definitely a happier mother than I was twice before!

But the funny thing was afterwards, I went to drop my son at swimming and i met my friend, "gosh you look lovely today, your make up looks cute", I told her I was at the nurse this morning, "ah!", so as she nods knowingly, So I figured meeting the health nurse i had to make an effort, nice outfit (skirt and top, high heeled boots) and put on make up (foundation, eyeshadow and red lipstick). "You know, I had to look good, nothing says I'm coping like pillar box red lipstick", followed by much laughter. Later I was telling one of my other friends about this and she was laughing, then saying maybe i was too perky, too positive!

You just can't win! I feel fine, i look fine and the baby is fine, but I still felt like i was being judged as a mother! I'm a wonderful mother, and if you spend any time in the company of my children you would be in doubt, I don't need a Eastern Health board employee to tell me that!

Do you think I'm sexy?

Do you like my new image? I went into town today to visit Lush, I'm bringing some nice things to my friend on Maine when I visit. I got some very lovely glittery shiny things, but I'm not gonna tell you exactly what I got in case it ruins the surprise! I got myself and the kids some lovely things, they have an amazing new hair product, my hair is really soft and lovely and I smell like Jasmine! So while in the Stephens Green centre I noticed that the Banana Tree shop on the top floor is closing down and I picked up two of the statues above for two euro each, they are so cute (I actually find them quite sexy! mmm, blue skin, sexy!)

I used to love the banana tree, buying all the Incense sticks, little Buddha's and mad tie dye bags. My nine year old was there with me and he pipes up with, "mum? Can I buy a mood ring?" My hubby and I both looked at each other, it was bizarre, it seems like only yesterday myself and my mates were buying mood rings and getting our noses pierced! I think it's gonna be exciting watching him go through the same things i did.

Then a quick trip into Dunnes I got a few bits and pieces for the trip, I actually bought a pair of shorts!!! Haven't worn shorts since I was twelve! When I got home each little bath bomb was wrapped in bubble wrap, and then put in my case, I then got all my clothes out from the wardrobe and decided what to bring with me. I love packing, I absolutely adore it! It's like getting ready for a big night out, I love getting ready for a night out, sometimes it's the best bit! Packing is so much fun, I'm a roller, I don't fold, I love it!

It's the expectation that packing brings, the possibility for adventure I suppose!

Relax, It's just parenthood!

If you've read my blog before you'll know I'm a mum, if one of your friends recommended you read my blog cos it gets a bit racy then read another post, this one is about being a mum! I have three weenies as you know, aged nine, three and three months. Now I have in the past found being a mum both rewarding and frustrating, I'm a total perfectionist and until recently I've felt like I had to be the perfect mother with the perfect little children in tow. For a long time I've felt like I was playing the role of a happy, perfect 50's housewife and mother!

It's become impossible to maintain this role playing recently, I just have so much going on with the kids and the house, trying to have a relationship with my husband and trying to have some "me" space that is just for me, knitting or reading or blogging. So recently I've begun a different form of parenting, I call it "full half assed parenting", I love my kids and I want the best for them but now I realise I can't be perfect with perfect children, but I can be happy with happy children.

I ignore the temper tantrum, don't make an issue of it, no idle threats I'm never gonna go through with, no "wait til we get home", I let the kids stay up a bit late if they want, then they sleep better. If they eat chicken nuggets for dinner I'm not wondering what will happen cos they don't have vegetables with every meal. It's don't sweat the small stuff, it's an paradigm shift, I ignore the not so perfect behaviour of my kids and I'm rewarded with less stressed and happier kids, they no longer feel the pressure to be perfect.

So a couple of weeks ago on a wintery June day my husband and I took the kids to the zoo (usually a stressful time, avoiding the places where sweets and icecream are sold) it was torrential rain, we got so wet within ten minutes we knew we just weren't gonna get any wetter! We didn't stress worrying about our weenies geetting cold, (they all had raincoats, and baby was bone dry in the buggy), we told the kids that they could have as many treats as they wanted (which worked out as two, which was what they would have had anyway) we let them run riot, only giving out if they were in danger of hurting or upsetting themselves or others. We had an amazing day, so much fun, we really relaxed and enjoyed our childrens company!

Then last Saturday we tried another thing we find stressful with the kids, town! With the same don't stress the small stuff attitude we headed into town, southside, bookshops, Fallon and Byrne and cup of coffee. It was great, ok kids got a bit loud and probably pissed off a few people, but they don't have to take them home so they could go have their coffee somewhere else if it bothered them so much . We had another lovely day. It's hard for me to turn of my feeling to be perfect, that people are judging me, but I don't know them, they don't know me, why do I care what they think?

It's really difficult to be perfect, it doesn't make you happy, it doesn't make your kids happy, maybe everyone should try to relax, it's not that hard!

Not a sex post

I've been worried that my blog about being a mother and all the ups and downs that brings has turned into a bit of a sex blog, my fellow bloggers on the group blog have been taking the piss! Now i think i talk about lots of different things on my blog, knitting, kids, relationships, day to day crap and yes sex! Last week I wrote a post about Mika and being a fat girl. I'm not one dimensional. I think it's odd that people notice me talking about sex, also I am actually starting to wonder if there is something wrong with me?

I've been sexually active since I was 17, same guy then as now, I've never had a period in my life when I didn't have sex, even while pregnant ( I know this freaks some people out), so I just think of it as a normal bodily function, like eating or drinking. I think about sex a lot, it's interesting, it titillates me as I watch kids TV, or while I do the school run! I just think it's natural. I was on the pill for a large period of time in my teens and twenties and not only did it make me a psycho, it also killed my sex drive, since I've given that up 8 years ago my sex drive has natural ups and downs. Does it make me a freak cos I like it? Like to think about it? Like to look at it? The reason I like the sexy pictures for the blog is cos they please me.

I like sex toys, does that make me a weirdo, or a pervert, or make my husband less of a man? It's a bit of spice, a bit of something different, like handcuffs or costumes or body shots! I'm not trying to appear more interesting than I am, this is me. I find that the more sex i have, the more orgasms I have solo or with my hubby the more i want it. Sex is healthy, it's free, it's exercise! It releases endorphins it makes you feel better if you are feeling stressed, it helps you sleep and it burns calories, what's not to like!

So I suppose if I'm a pervert than so be it, oh by the way i lied this is a sex post!

As promised- If I'm so fecking fat why am I invisible?

That's Beth Ditto of the band the Gossip in case you were wondering, she's there because she is a visible fat woman, in fact she's a visible fat, feminist, lesbian woman! I love her, totally, she has an amazing voice and balls of steel (probably keeps these in her bedside locker though). She's also about the same size I am, and yet she stripped to her nuddy for a magazine cover, even though she didn't have to, she's not the bloody pussy cat dolls, she's a singer, a rock star not a hooker in a fabricated band!

Beth stripped for me, she stripped for every fat girl, she stripped because she loves her body (look at the pride and arrogance in those eyes) she is proud of her body, and she should be it's curvy and sexy, she is sexy because she is so confident and happy. I love this picture ( hubby thinks it's photo shopped cos she has no cellulite!)

So the reason of this post is because as you know I'm big, but for some reason people don't see me, at all, the bigger I've gotten over the years the less visible I've become. Last week we had a BBQ and as the weather was totally crap I made a huge pot of chili, so on the Saturday I headed to Superquinn and was queueing at the meat counter, second in line and exactly five people came up to the counter and were served before me! I'm a big girl, you can so see me, I'm wearing a bright red size 18 T-shirt, you can't miss me!

People ignore you when you are big, it's almost as if you have a disability, people are afraid of looking at you, I live in Blackrock, I shop in superquinn, I'm always so polite, I let people pass me in the ailse, I keep my kids under control, but people they look right through me! I was leaving the supermarket the other day and a man in a wheel chair was trying to get in, so i stepped back and gestured, three people walked by me, and literally through him to get out! I was mortified, eventually he managed to get by them and thanked me with a lovely smile, but not before the three really important people (all women btw) walked past him!

Why are we in such a hurry to get everywhere? What happened to us? I remember when people gave out about London, and how rude people were, now it's the same here! Life is short, we should make the most of it, and part of that should be that you are nice to each other!

As I said I'm a big girl, so quite visible but people are selective about what they see, I've often been in a queue and people walk past me, I'd even have the buggy with me, which makes me huge and still they ignore me! I try making eye contact (why does nobody make eye contact anymore?) I try smiling, but people just don't see me!

But when I'm out at night, wearing a low, low cut top, my 40 DD's on display I have no problem getting noticed, maybe I should go around constantly with my boobs on display, in the hardware store "hi, where are your wrenches?", in the grocery store, "sorry do you stock melons?", or in the butchers" Hey what's your sausage like?" All the time with the girls on display! Maybe that will be my new outlook!

So it's OK to be fat if you are showing off your goodies, but not as you go about your daily day to day chores!

It's broken!!!

I am in mourning, I broke the G spot Japanese vibrator!!! I thought the Japanese made stuff that never broke! It's not that I'm some kind of nympho, I'm so upset, it was the best sex toy I'd ever had!!

Is there like a repair guy out there who specialises in sex toys? Can I walk into an electrician's and ask him to rewire it?

Arse, it's totally fucked, unlike me!

Post Number 69

Come on it's post number 69, what did you expect?

I have a friend, an old college friend, now while we were in college I worked in Woodies DIY, but my friend worked in the ice cream place in the Ilac centre, and God love her not a day went by when some wanker swaggered up to the counter "give us a 69 luv?" he he he, like she'd never heard it before!

Seriously what's the story with a 69? How the hell is it supposed to work? Anyone who knows my blog will know that I like sex and i consider myself a sexpert in my own bedroom, (I'm debating 100 favorite sexual acts, or 100 mothering tips for my 100th blog post), but I just have never gotten the point of the 69, i know how it's supposed to work, but it just doesn't! If you are concentrating on giving your partner pleasure you can't be enjoying yourself and if you concentrate on your own pleasure there is a chance you'll collapse on top of your partner and smother him!! I've been sexually active for 17 years now and I am yet to find a position to 69 that works.... enlighten me if you are in possession of this information!

I know the idea is from the Karma Sutra, and it has developed from the oriental Yin and Yang symbol, the man and woman in total unity! Maybe that's why it just doesn't work for me, after seventeen years I haven't found the balance of male and female power in my relationship!

FAT is not a four letter word!

Yesterday morning I was feeding the little guy and flicking around the music channels when I saw the new Mika video, "Big Girl", here's the link you have to check it out on You Tube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tcRiXOONqf0 It really, really made my day!


I'm a big girl, I've always been big, I've never really tried to change it, it's just me. But over the years I've obviously encountered some problems, firstly people think you want to be slim, but actually if i could change one thing about myself, I'd like to be taller, not slimmer. I hate it when people give me diet tips, "Have you tried Weight Watchers?" "What about Atkins?" "My friend found Curves brilliant". How do i respond to that? "Actually, I like being fat?" Then people assume if you are happy that it's an act, while obviously I have good days and bad days it's generally not to do with my weight, I have awful fat days where nothing looks right but if I was a size 6 I'd still have those. In fact I think I look great most of the time, I love pretty things, clothes and jewellery, I like my shoes and make up, I tend to focus on the bits of myself I like, my eyes, my legs and my boobs, so I don't notice the tummy or bum, try it it works!

Now another issue is I'm a size 18 which is big, but recently skinny has changed from a size 10 to a size 4....so a size twelve is big, I think our brains have already assimilated this shift, while watching another lot of videos recently I saw a Geri Halliwell video, and I thought God she looks fat, she must be a size 10 in the video, but after watching the previous videos where all the women were tiny she looked big! This is a real problem, kids watching videos and reading magazines are gonna be affected even more by this distortion. In the Mika video obviously some of the women are big,big but others are just normal sized, but that's judged as fat in today's society!

Now I'm in no way promoting obesity, I think we should all eat healthily (myth number three fat people eat huge amounts of burgers and chocolate and never exercise) I love fruit and veg, fish is my favorite protein, I eat porridge every morning but I definitely drink a bit too much wine and I'm fond of chocolate. But I take responsibility for my health and I try to be responsible and an excellent example to my children, but also I am not ashamed of my body or my size, that would be an awful example to set. I'm beautiful, it's nothing to do with my size I'm just fab! I know some amazingly beautiful fat women and some not so beautiful, just like I know some gorgeous skinny girls!

Now there has been a huge backlash against the media berating the size zero models and actresses, I think that's as bad as berating fat people, these girls are naturally thin (now I know some aren't and this is where the problems start) and they are lucky that being naturally thin has opened doors to them as models (no stranger has never approached me in the supermarket and said, "God you are so fat, you'd be a great spokesperson for my double choc chip ice cream!" ) Why can't we just celebrate difference in beauty, Skinny, slim, fat ? What's wrong with that? I know there's no money in happiness, and that's the reason, but maybe we could just try to make small changes, accept that beauty comes in many different sized packages and just embrace it.

As my daughters T-Shirt said today "Be cool, Be Happy, have fun", stop worrying about the bloody bingo wings, or flat chest or wobbly tummy! Love ourselves, we all deserve that!

This is gonna be a two part post I think cos I'm wrecked tonight, but coming soon "If I'm so fecking fat how come you can't see me?" :-}

Sexy Stitch and Bitch

Ever wanted to knit a Mohawk? Here's your chance, from the domiknitrix pattern book. What about a little present for your mother in law? How about a Spank me pillow? Seriously knitting is sexy!

Goodbye Kitty!

If you like or don't like Hello Kitty check out, http://www.goodbyekitty.net/ our friends had a card with a dead Hello Kitty on it, our three year old who loves Hello Kitty was taken with it, not noticing the blood dripping down between her eyes!

It's an American company who do alternative T-Shirts, great for getting people to do a double take!

Fabric Porn!

Seriously this is fabric porn! It's like patchwork but it's sexy...well actually I don't know if it's sexy, it doesn't ring my bell...it's kind like the porn those characters in the fabric conditioner ads would enjoy!

As for me, and why I'm posting it on my blog, well I tried the lilac, flashing lights, moaning sex toy and I have to post a retraction (oohh mrs!). The mad Japanese sex toy is, without a doubt the best sex toy I have even used! Rearrange these three words, orgasm, spot,G! In fact A to Z really. Now I'm not being vulgar, or trying to embarrass myself or anyone else, but it was fucking fantastic! Yes it's still gaudy, it would help if it was less, well Japanese, and no, I didn't have the audio on, but it was quite simply the best I've ever used (which is quite a few).

What could be nicer on a cold June evening, when all the weenies are in bed than a little bit of DIY? And if there is a power cut it makes a funky torch!

Things that go Yes, Yes YES! in the night!

They say a picture is better than a thousand words, well if you fancy finding out what this is about check out the other blog I contribute to www.forninepounds.blogspot.com over 18's only!

Tattoo Who?

Promised I'd post a picture of my "Body Art" managed to get one that doesn't show my stretchmarks!!! But tattoo looks like it was done in the women's prison in Mountjoy!!! Thank God it's on my back!

Wait a sec, is that a stretchmark?

Bellys

I'm so annoyed. Really, really,really annoyed.....and I've put off writing this post for days, as I was shaking with rage on Saturday. As you know I have three weenies, the youngest of which is only three months, now my hubby's parents are very good and have babysat several times since my son was born, but unfortunately they tend to think babysitting my kids puts me in their debt, and that I'll let them feed the kids crap, let kids run riot, dress them in the shiny tracksuits they buy them and allow them to disregard my parenting. Now anyone who knows me knows, generally, I'm not a woman to mess with, I don't suffer fools gladly, I can be incredibly short tempered (as I've mentioned before), the hulk has nothing on me!



So on Saturday night my in laws arrived after Dr Who to mind the little ones, now myself and the hubby were done up in our best (we were only going to the local, but hey we don't get out much)! My mother in law came in said hi (now I actually really like her, I don't agree with her "sweets for all" motto but she adores the kids, and is a lovely woman), so my little girl says "Nana, I'm toilet trained, but I've had a few accidents", her Nana was delighted and said how great she was, at the same time my father in law piped up from behind me, "you better not do that in school or in public". So I quelled the anger and said we were being totally positive and ignoring the negative, he blanked me and walked into the sitting room. Repeating my "beer for all", motto in my head I ignored his rudeness and spoke to my hubby's mum for a few minutes before joining my hubby and kids and his dad in the front room.



My nine year old was lounging on the sofa, as he does, his pj top up, exposing his (totally flat) tummy. My father in law then said, "cover up that belly, you are getting terribly fat", (even typing that now I feel so angry!) Now this negativity has happened before, his hair is too long, he's too loud, his football team lose too many matches, we've tried a number of approaches, ignoring it, making light of it, talking to him about it or more recently giving our son permission to take the piss out of Granda, (ie. "look at the state of your hair, it's awful", "At least I have hair Grandad!") So, he said my son was getting fat, I felt the red fog rise, then my son took a look at me for approval and said, "it's not as big as yours Granda!" I hate my kids to be cheeky, but this man is a bully, did this stop the 61 year old bully? No! He made another comment, my son said it wasn't nice to laugh at people, his Granada replied that he wasn't the one laughing, everyone else was! The only people laughing were my in laws!



So wanting to avoid a situation that would involve my fist and his face (see picture above), I made the hurry up face at my hubby, he joined me in the hall where I asked him to send the kids out to say goodnight and have a word with his parents, which he did, as I was kissing the kids I hear raised voices from the sitting room. Now the kids had gone back in to the room, my hubby simply asked his dad not to put the kids down, his father wouldn't accept he was wrong and started (with the echo of his wife) telling my hubby to "drop it", now the father in law is practically shouting now, my weenies are crying, I had to step up.



"Please stop shouting, you're upsetting the kids", oh no, now he rounded on me, both of them, apparently I should stay out of things that involve my family. So calmly and politely (as the blood boiled in my veins) I asked him to leave, my mother in law is now trying to get my hubby and I to shut up (which was the way things were done in their household as kids, you can tell there were no daughters in the house). To cut a long story short I asked them to leave because they were upsetting the kids. He stormed out the front door, cursing to himself, then stormed back in to get his phone and keys, slammed the door behind him! His wife, shooting dagger looks at me, then followed him. Now my kids witnessed all this, they were crying so I went to comfort them, hubby put his arms around me, then said right I'm going out, back in a minute. Stunned and shaking I picked up the phone to call my mum (always, first person for the good or bad news) she talked (and mmm ed ) me down (she mmm's when she doesn't want to say anything bad).



Doorbell rings, hubby forgot his keys, he has a bag of ice in one hand and a litre bottle of Paddy in the other! So when the kids went to bed and I stopped shaking (I'm not good at confrontation) we had a couple of stiff drinks and played 80's Trivial Pursuit. It was a great night.





Tuesday today, still haven't heard from the in laws, and I don't want to. We have discussed it and the bottom like is we've both made compromises and let his parents have too much influence over the kids, because we wanted babysitters we knew and trusted, but if we paid someone to mind the kids we'd never tolerate such negative behaviour towards our children. Now I know my father in law has issues (who doesn't) but he passed a lot of his negativity on to my hubby and we don't want it passed onto the next generation.



So, anyone know a good babysitter, we are taking control of our family!

Toy Boys (and Girls)

As my daughter has been (finally) toilet trained, she was promised a trip to Smyths toy store today to buy a little present as a reward. We piled into the banger at four this afternoon, the shop is fifteen minutes away, ninety minutes later we got home! The trip to the shop was unremarkable, the baby gurgling away and the two older ones bickering, " if you don't stop arguing we aren't going to Smyths!" When we arrived, parked and unloaded ourselves, we headed into Hell, I mean the toy shop.

The eldest guy disappeared, the baby started grumbling and the toddler launched herself in the direction of the girly aisle, all glitter and pink! Now I was never one for dolls, I really liked craft kits and beads, those kinds of things, but my daughter loves barbie, Polly Pocket and The littlest Pet shop, what all these toys have in common is that they have loads of tiny hard plastic bits to make walking in bare feet in the living room impossible.

So there we are standing in the middle of the pink aisle, 98FM blaring out as she pulled every Polly Pocket down for five minutes of debating on each one, "will I get this one with the glittery trousers and the horse or the car that changes colour?" We spent half an hour there until she decided on some littlest pets for the pet shop and the glittery Polly. Into the car, traffic home was rotten.

When we got home my little monster was holding her toys, "Open them mummy!" So I sat down to open them....half an hour later I was still there, each of the little bits was attached with wire or plastic, I got so frustrated, got a scissors then a knife, nothing helped speed up the process. The baby had started to cry at this stage and my older son was asking me to help him with his homework, I was nearly in tears myself! Why, why? Why do they do this? Everything is sealed in a bag or box, there is so much packaging on these toys it's insane. Are they trying to stop people shoplifting? No cos all the little tiny bits are stuck down, not just the big bits. It's all a display thing, to make everything look right, don't worry what it involves in taking it all apart and then putting it all back together, then what do you do with all the tiny little pieces to stop them getting sucked up the hoover or lodged between your toes at 3am!

I was so stressed, I went into the kitchen where the pasta sauce for dinner was simmering away and I poured a large glass of red wine from the bottle I'd opened for the sauce..... Polly Pocket drove me to drink!

I hate Smyths...I hate all toy shops! They may be heaven for kids but they are Hell for me!!!

Look what we made!

A few of my mummy friends and their weenies were in my house last Friday, it was raining and the kids were running around upstairs...I won't tell you how messy the kids rooms were when everyone left:-) So we were chatting away, everything from circumcision to cocktails and everything in between.

One of my friends who has two school going little ones was giving my little guy his bottle ( I'm very fussy over this, only people I really like and trust are allowed to it, it's a very personal thing), so as he sucked away she ooh and aah ed over how cute he was, jokingly I asked was she clucky? She replied that her husband gets really bad, whenever he holds new babies, but that their family was complete. The rest of us were laughing at the thought of her big macho, beer drinking husband going soft over babies.

Then she said that every night, when the weenies are asleep, the hubby and herself sneak into their rooms and look at them, saying,"look what we made". We all laughed, we all feel the same way, we look at our little ones with wonder, (usually when they are asleep, only time they are still enough), and wonder how did our kids get the best bits of both of us, the best being bits we never knew we had. My newest babe laughs in his sleep which I just find so cute, real laughter, his little shoulders jigging up and down. I can't help but get up and look into his crib and smile, I made that!

What my friend said reminded me of a book I saw in a religious book shop window in Galway several years ago when I only had one child, it was titled, "They're so good, when they are asleep". Amen to that!

Ha Ha Ha!

When was the last time you laughed until you choked? Twice in the last week I laughed so hard and so suddenly that what I was drinking came spurting out of my nose! Water on Thursday night and wine on Saturday night. In fact on Saturday night I laughed so hard I thought I'd peed in my knickers! (I didn't thank god!)

It was great, you know that whole body laughter, you don't care how stupid you look you can't keep your dignity, you just hold on to your sides and let rip. Funnily enough I've been laughing a lot in the last month or so, when I was pregnant I didn't laugh much definitely not as much as I have recently.

My lovely baby loves to laugh, so do my other two kids, but the baby doesn't need a reason to laugh, just a smiley face looking at him. So I've been wondering if it's our natural state, do we associate laughter with people who are a bit silly and immature ? Feck that, I'm loving laughter, I feel great, it's lovely to smile (and if people think I look like an edjit then feck them!) Is it celebrities fault, do we all want to look like Victoria Beckham, sultry? Is sultry sexy? I think smiling is sexy, I love to see happy people, my mood lifts when someone smiles.

Why don't we smile all the time? The elderly smile more than we do (well some of them), and yet they've been through much harder times than we'll ever know. We've never had it so good apparently but we seem to have lost our sense of reality and awareness of how lucky we actually are. I know it's the removal of limitations in society, with no class system, celebrity and it's trappings become attainable, if only for 15 minutes. If fame and wealth are attainable for every one then dissatisfaction becomes the norm as we angst over not possessing these things.

I think we've lost our focus, we need to be satisfied with our lot, whatever that is, stop reading Now and Heat magazines and start to smile. Try it tomorrow, make eye contact and smile at someone, the girl in the coffee shop on your way to work or the bus driver, see if they smile back. It'll make you feel good and it might just make their day.

The Baptism

My little guy had his Baptism last Sunday, I'm only getting around to posting about it now. This is our last Baptism and our first proper party afterwards, it was the service in the local catholic church and then food in the local foodie pub and back to ours for drinks and more nibbles.

It started badly, getting two adults and three little people ready to leave the house for a big day out is not easy, especially when the little guy was being dressed in our family's very own polyester heirloom, or the amazingly sweaty and slippy christening gown I first wore 34 years ago. They say 9 week old babies aren't very aware of their environment......I have to disagree, he was disgusted when we put him into the thing, he squirmed and slid about in it. It was a sunny day last Sunday, fifty of our family and friends were gathered at the door to the church, we milled around for a while, saying hello, and showing off our little bundle of joy, who was getting more sweaty and slippery by the minute.


Eventually we wandered into the church to be told by the priest that we weren't in the book for baptism, luckily there were another couple and their baby scheduled so we were shoved onto their bill! There were five in their party......fifty in ours! To say they were a bit swamped is such an understatement!

Now I've had dealings with this priest before, he is outspoken, loves to hear himself speak, he's already ruined my older son's communion for me, oh, and Christmas mass! So when he took off his glasses started to pace up and down the alter I knew it was about to kick off! He began the first of several lectures, informing us that as catholics we were the only religion who loves children (I didn't think they were advertising that fact now), I could feel my Jewish Princess (you know you are babe) friend shift in her seat, I was waiting for her to tell the priest that Jews love their children too, as she said afterwards," We love our children, we smother them in gold!"

Then he continued to tell us we didn't deserve this sacrament for our child as we weren't devout catholics. The only reason I've had my weenies baptised is because my parents believe in it and if I didn't get them baptised they would. Plain and simple. We've never used the baptism as an excuse to have a party, until now! The lectures were so bad it was all that everyone talked about for the rest of the day, young and old, even my folks thought he was extreme!

After the service, we popped into the sacristy to collect the baptismal cert, and my hubby handed the priest fifty Euro, "for the parish, father", then he didn't think we were "grabby, sub-human people", no, pocketed the cash and then said how lucky our children were to have us as parents.....who's the hypocrite?

We headed back to a room in our favorite foodie pub, the lamb koftas were fab! I'm sure some people started to drink then but the hubby and I were staying sober. While in the pub the ten or so kids invited had a ball, I'd made each of them a little goodie bag of toys, to keep them amused and they really had a great time.

My dad had just turned 60 a few days before the baptism so I'd arranged for a huge birthday cake for him, but being my dad, being a cranky old man, looking for attention, he left the party, refused to come back! So with my mum upset and embarrassed, she slipped away. I wanted to kill my dad, family rows and drama go hand in hand with celebrations, that's why we didn't have a big wedding.

Once we got back to the house, even before I'd slipped out of my heels I'd downed a bottle of beer! Then we headed to the garden, the crazy kids, about six of them ran riot in the garden, in and out of the tent while we sat and drank and had nibbles. There were only about eight of our favorite people, it was relaxed and chilled, it was a lovely way to celebrate the birth of our son!

So maybe the moral of the story is that the modern family is the friends that we choose for ourselves and that the way we live our lives and our friendships and relationships are what our children will look to for guidance? I don't know, but I do know they are a much better example that a hypocritical group of old men.

Sex and housework!

I'm Midget Wrangler, I'm 34, and I'm a sexoholic! Apparently the fact that I've been with my husband for 17 years means we shouldn't have sex! At all, ever!

Why? Surely we chose each other because we found each other attractive all those years ago? And now it's still there, OK so we want to kill each other sometimes, but we easily make up with some lovely shagging.

Apparently though that makes us freaks. Now I'll so admit that our relationship is OTT in the physical department, but then again I can't imagine anything else, I can't imagine 17 years without the sex!

Why when we become mothers are we supposed to give up our sexuality? "Oh, now you are a mummy (three times over), you have no sex drive and no fantasies or needs!" We are sexual women before we have the little ones, and that doesn't disappear, why should it?

My friends take the piss out of my relationship with my hubby, they think it's crazy! But I couldn't bear the lows without the physical highs we have! I feel wanted and fulfilled, we play around with all the accessories, chains, planes and automobiles. And it makes us happy, surely that's the most important factor!

Maybe I'm wrong, maybe a deep friendship would be a better basis for a relationship, but it wouldn't be so much fun!

Cream Crackered

Sitting this evening, I was sorting the ironing, hubby was feeding (again) the baby, nine year old boy was reading a book and three year old girl was (supposedly) tidying her toys. Hubby asked the eldest to help her out, throwing his eyes up to heaven he said, "But I'm knackered!"

Horrified my hubby said, "young man I don't want you using that word!" "Why?" Said my little guy. "Because it's not a nice word", replied hubby. Son looks confused then says, "What's wrong with it? We say it in the school play next week!"

Needless to say I'm taking him out of school immediately!

I'm Scarlet!

Oh the Shame! Brought my little munchkin to Montessori today, after speaking to them yesterday about the invitation situation, the teacher grabbed my arm and said everything was sorted out, great! No not great, not great at all, they told the mother involved that my daughter was upset, so her son gave her an invitation on the way in this morning, as we passed her in the corridor I said hi to the mum, as usual. I reached my car, I was on my way to Dundrum (I know I live there) to meet a friend, and who walks over to my car but the mummy, I was trying to turn the key in the ignition and it wouldn't work....bloody banger (it's a wonder they let it into the car park in Dundrum), she came over to the window and did the universal windy down window signal, no!

As I opened the window and she bent down, she's a lovely tall slender mummy, I considered speeding away (I so hate confrontation), She was of course uber nice, put her hand on my hand in an, "I understand your grief", way, she was totally apologetic, totally missing the point that four other kiddies still aren't invited and are upset! To her credit she was lovely, and I told her I hated parties, and she confided in me that she hated them too and was hoping that half the 30 kids she'd invited wouldn't come, so now I consider her less of a yummy mummy! (On a related issue my friend and her hubby did vodka shots just before the twenty kids arrived on her doorstep for her sons 5th birthday).

So all was well, but I was mortified! Now I'm the mom who fights her daughters battles...which is so not me!

You wouldn't like me when I'm angry!

I'm fiery, I'm an Aries, and fairly typically so, mood swings, really, really happy or really, really sad, quick to anger but just as quick to forget about it and move on! In particular I'm very protective of my children, i carried them in my belly for nearly three years when you add the three of them up, now I'd be a fool to invest so much time (and ice cream) in something and then just lose interest. So I get angry when my weenies are hurt, physically or emotionally.

Years ago when my eldest was about 18 months and we still hadn't sold out and bought a car, we were on the bus, I had him on my lap so an elderly woman could have the seat beside me, after about fifteen minutes she slapped him! Apparently he had kicked her, accidentally as you couldn't meet a gentler child (still), and she slapped him, now my hubby was sitting behind me and said he'd never seen me change to quickly, from mild mannered mummy to lioness! I was horrified and in shock at the same time, I gave her a piece of my mind ( without using any foul language) and then we got off the bus, that was it, now I'd seriously call the police! Really that is just random child abuse, and you know what? She was a nun. Surprised? I wasn't.

Yesterday someone hurt my little princess, they didn't slap her or hurt her physically but they wounded her emotionally. As the little people came tumbling out of the door from Montessori at one yesterday there was even more excitement than usual, and I cursed to myself as I saw why they were so excited, party invitations. Then my little one emerged, she wasn't happy, she didn't jump up into my arms as she usually does. Her little lips were quivering, and she burst into tears, she hadn't been asked to the party.

Now, I hate these parties, the kids are three and four for Gods sake, why do they need these expensive day trips to play centres? Whats wrong with a family tea at home and if you want send in a birthday cake to Montessori for them to share with their friends? Am I a horrible person? I just think it's a waste of money, these little ones would be equally (if not more) impressed with a couple of hours of undivided parental attention. It's the problem of time versus money we are facing today, "I can't spend enough time as I'd like with my toddler, I'm feeling guilty so I'll throw an elaborate party for his/her birthday". Guilt has to be the biggest drain on our bank balances, never mind our mortgages!

Now my princess told me she was the only one not asked to the party (probably not true as she can be a Diva, and elaborate the truth), but even if half the class wasn't invited that just means there we seven little lost souls yesterday asking their mummies why the darling birthday boy didn't like them. They shouldn't be allowed to give out invitations if they aren't asking the whole class, it's that simple, most of the other mothers of birthday boys and girls hand invites to the mothers of the invited kids in the manner of a ,hand over so as not to upset kids that aren't invited.

So today I spoke to the owner of the Montessori and asked that this didn't happen again, I'm naturally quite shy and don't speak up for myself ,but as i said I get annoyed when my cubs are upset and I'd do anything for them. They are gonna rethink their policy, but then the teacher took me to one side today at one and said that she was sure an invitation was on it's way but that's not the point I wasn't fighting for an invitation to a party I don't want to bring her to. Spending an afternoon with ultra skinny and ultra yummy mummies, sipping water or a skinny latte while they discuss their dental work or has Cannes become too common, is not my idea of fun!

Rant over, I told you I was fiery!

Party On!

Well it's the big day, baby's baptism day. Sun is shining in the sky so hopefully this is a good sign! Bathed all the little people last night , the clothes are laid out, and now? Well today my nine year old is in a sulky mood. So I've told him he won't be coming to the party if he keeps it up! He's so moody, almost like split personality, there's my little boy and then this bloody sulky yoke that I don't know from Adam!

I've to go to collect the cake now, my dad was 60 during the week so the cake is a birthday one for him, never really understood the reason for "christening cake", baby isn't gonna eat any and the mum is probably avoiding all cake (in public at least) trying to shed the jelly belly! Speaking of my jelly belly, while watching Dr Who last night with the family (very scary, actually screamed and jumped when the statue moved). My daughter wobbled my jelly belly and said, "your tummy is so wobbly mummy, look!" I was upset, asked her not to wobble the tummy but then I thought of something, well two things really, the first being that I do have a big wobbly belly and she was just commenting on reality and the second being my attitude to my body (tummy in particular at the moment). I do say negative things about my self, grabbing handfuls of flab and complaining about it. What is this gonna do for my daughters perception of her body?

So today I'm wearing my corset under my dress (otherwise I'd wind up wearing something I don't really want to just to cover everything up) and I'll try not to complain about my bingo wings!

The weather is lovely today, obviously God is pleased, just hope i don't burst into flames when i go into the church! Yesterday my husband said we'd have to mime when the priest asks us do we reject Satan, seeing as we are such huge fans of Satan's accessories, booze, sex and rock and roll!

Drink, Arse, Girls!

What's your favourite curse word, what do you say when someone cuts you off in traffic, or when you drop your favorite mug (around that time of the month). I have a nine year old, a three year old and a two month old, so my curse words have to be by their very nature child friendly, having said that I do often have my moments, one particularly bad day when I was pregnant I was having an awful day and someone nearly drove into the side of my car, two kids in the car, me nine months pregnant, I lost my temper and shouted out the "c" word, I hate that word, I really do, but I said it, and my little girl said whats a "c" mommy?

So generally I try to stick to none specific words, Spongebob Squarepants has provided a few, barnacle head and tartar sauce being two of the best. My little princess is fond of Boobie head! Her favorite word tough is the "F" word, yes, that "F" word not the one loved by Fr Jack but the other one, she uses it in the same way her daddy does, it's the seasoning on her conversation! We try to ignore her as all the books say we should, but it's difficult, Sometimes I want to laugh out loud and other times I want to strangle her!!

My son who is nine has never cursed, he's quite a prude actually, one night he was watching his favorite football team play and lose, he was nearly crying and he turned to me and said, "Mum, can I say the "F" word?" I tried not to laugh and said no, then i left the room and went upstairs to laugh! I hope he is always as respectful towards me, it's doubtful though!

Which one is wearing fake tan?

My natural skin tone is blue, blue in the winter and red in the summer, well unless I cover up totally in a thick white layer of factor 50 sun cream. My little man is being baptised on Sunday and I am wearing a nice summer dress, so out comes the fake tan, I am not good with fake tan! My husband has to apply it for me, not just on the bits I can't reach but all over cos I'm so crap at it I wind up looking like one of Willy Wonka's little workers. My skin goes red in the sun and then orange with fake tan, I never get a "golden glow", I never look like I've visited St. Tropez, unless the beaches in St Tropez are filled with people wielding water pistols full of orange paint.


So what do I do? Usually I'm so pale and quite happy to be pale but, for special occasions I do like to cover up the blueness of my legs with a bit of a glow. Maybe I should embrace my deathly pallor, it was very useful indeed in my days as a goth, maybe I should return to that! Give up on trying to look healthy and just accept that some people were born to be white!

Birthdays!

Yummy! This is the picture I have on the fridge door to stop me eating Cake! Seriously people actually pay for this kinda stuff, if I'm ever strapped for cash I could make the rent by sitting on people, weird but true apparently some gentlemen get aroused by being squashed by large ladies, only problem there is I'm so bloody polite, I'd be like, "oh, sorry, gosh am I squashing you", which I don't think I what they pay for. I suppose I could be the terribly polite large lady who sits on them.

Anyway, I so went of the point there,this post was actually supposed to be about kids birthday parties, I know I didn't really pick an appropriate picture. As a mum to three kids, two of which have their own totally self sufficient social lives I am an expert on birthday parties. At about the time my friends first kids turned one we stopped going to adult birthday parties with booze, music and strippers (just the one party, a long time ago), and now the only party invitations that come in our letterbox have the Fimbles or Spiderman on them. The entertainment usually consists of a rather stressed clown or some poor teenager in a dinosaur costume, the food is either organic and hand made or so full of colours and additives you could see it from space, and the sugar in it means the kids will be climbing the walls for the rest of the weekend. As for beverages, it's either, "oh, no, we wouldn't drink at a children's birthday party (yeah, you just don't want to be sued of one of the kids falls off the (vomit filled) bouncy castle), or the dump the kids and there's tequila shots in the kitchen!

I love my weenies but once they reach three their social life explodes, play dates, parties and after school activities, our lives as parents revolve around our kids plans, and I'm sorry but i don't think it's right. As a child my life just had to fall in with my parents plans, then once i turned thirteen or so I could have my own plans control over my own social life. But before that I went where my folks did, my brother and i amusing ourselves in the back of the car. I think it taught me a valuable lesson about being bored, that it happens, live with it. Our kids are constantly amused almost from the moment they come out into the world we are dangling bloody mobiles in front of them (not me, did it on number one son, he never slept, the other two have been deprived), then we throw ourselves into running the gauntlet of after school clubs and classes, it's ridiculous.

It's because we are time poor, we just throw money at every problem. If we asked our kids would they rather have an hour of our undivided attention or be dropped at baby kung fu for an hour while mummy sits in the car emailing work, or reading the paper I think we all know what they'd prefer.

A friend of mine was talking about his weeny the other day, who's still a toddler, she's been in full time (7am to 7pm) childcare since she was six weeks old, he was boasting that she was so social with other kids, that they were so glad they had "socialised" her at such a young age. I bit my tongue, I'm sorry but that is wrong, kids don't benefit from socialising with other kids until they are about 12 months old, until then they need the undivided attention of at least one adult (doesn't matter who once they are caring), they shouldn't have to fight for it with five other kids. Also I worry about kids like this ( it's an extreme case I know but with mortgages so expensive and commutes so long it's not unusual) they develop solely around other kids, how does this affect their development, what does this mean for the future, for society in general?

I know loads of people who work and who took serious time out to mind their kids for the first six months then arranged one to one childcare for them, even though it wasn't the easiest thing to do and it meant that someone else was the primary care giver to their child, witnessing the first step, word and tooth. These women were so giving an brave they did the best for their kiddies, not just throwing money at a problem hoping it'll go away. The importance of socialisation for two month old babies is something we've invented because we can't afford (or don't want) to leave work for a year to mind our babies, and the people who talk about the benefits to the newborn are trying to salve their conscience, they know their kid needs one to one car but they can't bear to think of their baby loving someone else more than them, they know a newborn in a creche won't bond with the carers more than them. Now denying your child that first experience of love and affection, that's selfish.

Sorry, mad rant, was meant to be upbeat!

Must be Soapbox Thursday.

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I'm posting on a new community blog type thing ......I know I totally suck with technology! So providing i can find the bloody thing I'll be moaning, I mean writing a bit for http://forninepounds.blogspot.com/ and you should check it out, some interesting people posting stuff!

Polyester Heirloom!

My dad is 60 tomorrow, he's the second youngest in his family, with three sisters. As the only boy my grandparents didn't think anything of dressing him up in dresses. We have a picture of him as a cherubic little blondie, curly haired boy in a little white dress playing on the doorstep of the family home. He looks so cute, and his sisters were all jealous of his hair. Now his hair is white, not even grey, until recently he wore it shaven so I hadn't really noticed but in recent months dad's grown a comb over! I have to face facts and say my parents are getting old.

Now, I don't know if I've mentioned it in the blog before but my dad is an undertaker, my mum worked there too and my brother does it part time, it's the family business I suppose. In fact I'm the only one who hasn't done it (not even for a holiday job), not because I'm squeamish about it, as a very young girl dad used to sit me up on the tables beside the bodies , I've listened to my parents talk about death over the dinner table for as long as I can remember (this Christmas i discovered how funeral homes manage to advertise without ever advertising... trade secrets!).

I just felt with my whole Gothic outlook on life working in a funeral home might just push me over the edge. My family have also experienced loss over the years and I've seen family members young and old pass away. So I'm not scared of death, it's not unknown territory, and this isn't what scares me about my folks getting older, but it's the other things the grey hair, the high blood pressure and health scares.

My parents are still my parents, they are still taking care of me, my mum loves to make me a cup of tea or buy me a present, she loves to fuss about her children and we'll always be her children no matter how old we are. Dad loves to fix things, be it my lawnmower, or my husband or giving me a sly fifty euro to "buy myself something nice". I love them so much, and I love them still taking care of me, I spend all my time taking of my family and it's lovely to be fussed over. What I'm scared of is when that changes, when I have to give up being taken care of and take care of them, to override their decisions, and tell them I know best. I don't want to have to do that, that's when my parents will die I suppose. God that's depressing isn't it?

Anyway the purpose of this post was to talk about my son's baptism on Sunday, he's to wear my family's polyester heirloom. My mum and dad bought a christening gown in 1973 when I was born, it's very of the era, long and frilly (I'll try to post a photo) and my brother wore it three years later. Each of my beautiful children have worn it, with the blanket that my godmother bought for me, and as the years have passed I've added to the heirloom, knitting the booties, bonnet and jacket, so when my children are having their children I'll guilt them into using it.

The christening gown is not to my taste, and the only time my sons will wear a dress (I hope), but much like the piggy cuff links in the Simpsons it's tradition, which means something to my parents. In fact the whole process of baptism and Catholicism is just a tradition that I honour for my parents. I still crave their attention and approval as much as my weenies crave mine, I'm not ashamed to say it!

My little ones love a book called "I'll love you forever", about a mum and her son and the song she sings to him throughout his life "I'll love you forever, I'll like you for always, as long as I'm living , my baby you'll be", it makes me cry every time as the mother grows old and dies, I think we all need to be someones baby and when they are gone it's terrifying.

Patience Is a Virtue

My mother often asked us to be patient and wait our turn for her attention, it's difficult for small people to understand this concept (I still find it frustrating waiting for the ice cream to soften to just the right level without using the microwave), when I'm getting stressed that things aren't moving as quickly as I'd like them to I remember the little rhyme she used to say, "Patience is a virtue, have it if you can. Seldom in a woman, never in a man", delivered with a holier than thou smile on her face that Mother Theresa would have been envious of!

Now while I do believe that men and women are very different, and it is those differences that attract us to each other, I'm not of the "all men are bastards" school of thought (not anymore), so this little saying hasn't had much use in my own family over the years.

Something has changed though and I often hear myself repeating it in my head, like a little mantra, kinda like jack Nicholson in "The Shining", (or Homer Simpson in the Shinning). So what's changed? Well the arrival of our third child, without the arrival of an extra four hours in the day!

The difference between men and women has become very apparent to me recently, or at least fathers and mothers. When my little guy is narky and all his needs (food,nappy,sleep) have been seen to sometimes he just wants to be held (don't we all), and if it's me whose doing the holding I'd gladly sit for hours, not because I'm lazy or because I have nothing else to do but just because I can, and soon enough he'll no longer want to be cuddled. My lovely husband, who is an excellent father, on the other hand is more impatient, cuddling him for a little while and then putting the baby down, for him to immediately wake up and the whole process starts over again.

As I've said he's a great dad, and at the moment unless he's away working he does the middle of the night feed, when there is one,(yes, we've had a couple of nights where baby hasn't woken!), but sometimes when hubby is very tired and baby is proving difficult to wind he'll put him down too quickly in the cot and we'll be woken an hour later by a screaming baby with trapped wind.


I've been wondering if mothers are more patient by nature, weighing up long term benefits against instant gratification, or if becoming mothers have thought us how to be more patient!
I've found in recent years, as my family has grown that time, days, months, years seem to pass quicker, so time has taken on a different meaning. In my BC (Before Children) days the four years of university seemed an eternity, now everything has changed and my long term plans are for fifteen years time when all the kids are in secondary school or college!

My little guy's just woken so I have to hot foot it to his side, I'm not sure about women and men in the patience stakes but two month old cutie pies have no need for such things!

Domiknitrix

I went to Stitch and Bitch on Thursday and I bought some very nice yarn (see I'm getting the lingo), and I started a lovely cashmere blend cardigan for my tiny guy! It's so soft and it's cream and green stripes (green is his colour).

While there I couldn't resist this book it's a whole approach to knitting as an S&M exercise. With patterns to knit a Mohawk and spank me cushions it's just fascinating. There is a web site too http://www.domiknitrix.com/ but they don't have all the best photo's on it. I can't wait for the next book domiknitrix 2 which should have lessons on how to knit your own restraints, ball gag and cat o'nine tails!

Hey bet you thought knitting was boring, hell no! It's knit in public day next Saturday and women will be coming out of the closet and knitting publicly in Stephens Green, if you are passing by, look closely, maybe amongst all the socks and jumpers they are knitting you might see someone knitting a gimp mask or some nipple clamps.

Social Life???

Sorry I haven't posted guys, but I've had a social life this weekend!! Hubby was away on Friday night so It was kinda boring, hence the three posts on friday evening! On Saturday collected hubby from the airport and then headed off to Dundrum....YES, shoe shopping! We had breakfast and then shopping, then he slept for the rest of the day while I visited the parents, and visited New Look, I got an Elmo T-shirt and a Rolling stones lips T-shirt, can't wait to see what the yummy mummys make of those!

So on Saturday night we went out to dinner with my new(ish) friend and her lovely (I know he reads the blog sometimes) husband. Was our first night out properly minus all the kiddies, we went to Toscanas in Dun Laoghaire, we had some yummy yummy wine and the food was gorgeous, only the dessert was a disappointment! We had great conversations and didn't talk about the kids (much)! We rolled home, the kids were grand and it was so lovely to feel young and alive again! Real members of the human race! I got to dress up, wear my lovely dress (magic knockers underneath) and sexy red shoes!

So half way through the meal we were talking about my last posting about being in the George and my friend "Woody", and she said she'd never been in the George for the Bingo and she'd love to go. So we decided (two bottles of wine in) to go last night. The hubbies agreed to mind the children so we were sorted! Last night both of us looked lovely and we headed out into town, my lovely taxi driver friend picked us up and we headed into the George, now my friend doesn't like crowds and even the restaurant the night before had been a bit much but she grinned an beared it and we walked (buggyless- no buggy to hide behind) into the George, Which was packed....totally heaving, at eight, Bingo at nine thirty!

We got seats (very important if you are oldies) but my friend when he arrived told us they weren't good seats....they were right beside the bar, which to me is the best seat! So if you've never been to the Bingo at the George let me tell you a bit about it. Basically a drag show, the drag queens perform different songs, miming along to the backing tracks and putting their own spin on the performances, last night there was a Jordan lookalike preforming Regina Spector's "Breaks my Heart", and there was a bizzare preformance by a tall blonde Ru Paulesque look alike of a mish-mash of Bananarama and Gwen Stefani. They have the most amazing figures and the wigs were excellent. Then in the middle we had the Bingo bit, it was pretty rushed as it was a Bank Holiday and they were trying to get as much of the show in as possible.

We had a great time, at about eleven my friend left, she is so sensible, the tequila slammer was not a good idea! I stayed and had a great time catching up with my old friends, then at half twelve, just before I turned into a pumpkin, my taxi driver friend picked me up and I headed home!

It was great to be out and had a lovely evening, I it reminded me that even though I'm trying to make new mummy friends I also have to keep my old friendships going! It was great to feel like myself again! I'm gonna make sure I do it more often, I'd go every week if I could!

Retraction

Midget Wrangler has to print a retraction, she was in fact in the Dragon pub the night that her son was conceived and not in the George pub as stated. She is sorry for an upset caused by this error to anyone involved :-P

Happy now J?

Slippery when wet!

A lot of my posts seem to be a wee bit moany and maybe the last week it's been tilting towards total self indulgence. So here is something to balance things out.Last week we got our garden sorted out so our kids had their little friends in to play, we had six little people and then the hubby and I, we all had water guns. Oh My God!!! It was honestly the beat craic I've had in ages, we all got soaked to the skin but we laughed so hard, it was just brilliant. I didn't even mind the kids running into the house to refill the guns spilling water everywhere! So I must have been having a ball! We can't wait until we do it again, in fact i think next time it feels like my other half and I are gonna argue we get the guns and let rip in the garden! Brilliant! I'll let you know how that works out, I might even start an argument just to try it out!

Immaculate Conception

Do you know when you conceived your kids? I'd say you do! My first little guy was conceived in the Santa Fe hotel in Disney land, my second was the City hotel in Derry, and the third a very late night/early morning romp at home after a day at taste of Dublin and a night in the George (it was gay pride weekend) with friends. As none of my little ones were "planned" I never had to endure the whole "waiting to conceive", thing. So each of our deliveries happened none months after a night of fun, I can only imagine how difficult it must be for couples who have to endure years of planned conception, having to have sex at a certain time, legs up in the air, specific times of the month all the spontaneity taken out of sex!


But in a way I'm sad, It must be magical to know when you are "making a baby", as opposed to just having sex. I wonder what it's like, is it more meaningful? Does it make the experience more enjoyable? I'll never know because this is it for me, definitely!


As a post script, and although I know I don't have to mention it, but even though none of my little people were "planned", that doesn't mean I regret them, they were a wonderful surprise, and each surprise taught me a valuable lesson about dealing the hand you are dealt in life, I'm still learning!

Sacred Skin!

The other evening my (newish) friend spotted my tattoo and asked me did it hurt getting it done. I was kinda shocked, cos i often forget I have a tattoo, it's at the base of my spine, I got it done after having my first child as a kind of celebration of my body, it had managed to bring my wonderful son into the world, and at that time tattoos weren't as common as muck.

So I told her only the outline bit really hurt (on the spine- if you are getting a tattoo get it done on a fleshy bit of your body!), but then again I've had two of my little monsters with no pain relief at all! I had planned on getting it added to when I had more kids, it's a small flaming heart, black only, but I never found the time to get it done, and as time went on tattoos became more common place and I didn't get anything done!

I don't think my little tat goes down very well with the yummy mummy set! So I'm considering getting the work done on the tat, not out of spite (or to annoy them) - but because i should follow through- for the sake of the children, I should set a good example! Or perhaps I'll get another one done, I always wanted a little cute chubby cupid one on my bum, no one but my hubby (and doctor) would see it but I'd know it was there, also my butt is certainly fleshy enough that I wouldn't feel any pain at all!

In case you are wondering, I really don't regret getting tattoo done, even though they are slightly tacky, it's a permanent reminder that I am an individual and I was young once :-} Also it will be very useful when my little ones are not so little and asking can they get tattoo done, I'll be able to show them my decorated wrinkly skin! If that doesn't put them off nothing will!