`Polite Conversationist no more!

I have had enough, enough of being nice, enough of making polite conversation, enough of thinking about other peoples feelings before I say stuff, always thinking out everything to the very end, it's effects on everyone involved!





People who know me, or even people who only know me through my blog know my marraige ended last year ("Yeah well you never shut up about it do you.....? someone actually said that to me....another person said "You never let us forget it....") anyway, back to my tangent, marraige ended, obviously I have had to talk about it, as I am still living in the marital home with the kids, I told everyone, teachers, mutual friends, everyone, bizarre people that you don't see from one year to the next. Recently I have met several old neighbours, and I spoke about my experience with the lovely lady in the building society, but today I just had enough.





Everytime I meet someone I have to access whether or not I need to tell them, believe it or not I don't want to tell people, not because I am ashamed of being separated but I hate to see them upset and then the pity.....I really hate that, usually they will look at the kids with pity too! Makes me want to scream. So if faced with someone, I have to tell I tell a very neutral story, myself and partner separated, no details, we are all happy etc, etc, this is even the line I have said to my friends, now obviously those very close to us know the truth but each time I tell someone else I am thinking about my kids, I don't want them to know the truth, and I don't want to make my ex out to be a bad guy, I don't want to moan, I don't want to be a bitch.......ARGHHH!





So today I met a lovely lady, she was one of my first real neighbour friends when I had my first son, her husband was terminally ill and my pregnancy and the first year of my sons life corresponded with the end of his. Now we don't keep in touch as such, running into each other every six months or so, and today was that day, there she was walking towards me big smile on her face, and I just couldn't do it, she started with "You look great, the kids are all so grown up, where is ******?" My voice stuck in my throat, I just couldn't do it, I couldn't pretend all was rosey in the garden and I definately couldn't tell her the truth so I just said, "HI, sorry in a terrible hurry, see you soon!" Felt so awful!



I just don't know why I am so worried about other peoples feelings, why do I care if what I say upsets them or makes them feel uncomfortable socially, so I don't tell people the truth, I do the just tell them what they want to hear thing, that's bad is't it? I am over polite it is a social disadvantage in todays smash and grab society! Yes, I am bringing up my kids to be polite, but forceful!