Threesome!

The kids are all asleep, it's 10:30 on a Friday and i'm having a threesome....It's me Dave and Larry....nothing knew we've been here before and it all fits together perfectly......

Dave is my Duvet (yes he has a name) and Larry is my laptop......I think I've lost my MoJo!

What's happened to me? I used to have amazing sexual confidence, I used to feel like I was sexy and powerful, costumes accesories and pornography were the mainstay of my sex life, "lets try this on Friday night, I've always wanted to do that, or what about that new vibrator I bought? Oooh new lube..." But now I feel like I've taken a fall, my confidence is definately shaken and I have become boring in bed.....really! I don't know why? I am aware of those wobbly bits maybe that I never cared about before? I am aware of feeling silly, the filth I used to mumble in my ex's ear when we fucked doesn't fall easily from my lips anymore.....

Even tonight, I typed threesome into the google images search engine....I edited my choice, now there are some incredibly interesting things that pop up when you type in "threesomes"...animals, people, people and amimals, Bart simpson....the list goes on! But I found myself being very particular in my choices, I don't want to appear like a deviant (that would be animals+people+Bart Simpson) but I want to feel that old confidence in myself, in my sexual self!

Fuck!

When I was married, in a long, long term relationship I never worried what people thought of me, I never worried people would think I was a whore, neither readers here or my friends or my partner, but now? Now I worry! I'm only with my partner 3 months ish, I worry what he would think, or what people who read this would think...ridiculous seeing as you guys know all the silly things that go on in my head and what used to go on in my bed. Now also I understand that my current partner would hate it if I talked about our sex life here, so I don't but as a result I am feeling shame.....

SHAME....

I don't really like shame, I don't think I have anything to feel shame for, but I do! My fuck me shoes and stockings, my bunny suit and corsets, my vibrators and handcuffs, they all sit gathering dust in my drawer, because of shame! What am I ashamed of? My wobbly ass if we do it doggy style? If I lose myself in a moment that I'll start to talk so filthy that my boyfriend will run for the hills? That producing a vibrator from the bedside locker might intimidate my partner or make him feel like he doesn't satisfy me? Oh God!

I am kinda like Eve cast out from the Garden of Eden, shame, original sin, pain these things she had to endure because she tempted Adam into sins of the flesh "Go on Adam, oh it's so juicy and tasty, you know you want to taste my forbidden fruit", never mind that it was the bloody snake (hello phallic image supreme) that started it all! I never felt self conscious, until now, I never knew what people spoke about when they found my confidence difficult to understand.

Now it's a totally internal thing and my partner has said or done nothing to make me feel this way, but maybe he just hasn't noticed, or doesn't think it's different. I just want my MoJo back, so if you find it, could you let me know....and before I get any smart comments, I don't want to look at the bottom of a bottle of Southern Comfort (the great leg opener as I call it)!