My dad has been in bad health for about two years now, he's only just entered his sixth decade, he still works full time, and until a few years ago he was in great health, cycled and walked a lot, but then he just started to fade, until eventually last year when my last son was only a few weeks old I got a phone call from my mum telling me he was in hospital with a suspected heart attack. He was kept in hospital for over a month, they did every test they could think of, once they had ruled out his his heart as being the cause they discovered he had serious problems with his lungs, caused from smoking from his teenage years until his early fifties, combined with working as a builder when asbestos was the new wonder material, and they didn't know how much damage it could do. So dad is on 3 different inhalers now and the walking and cycling are incredibly difficult, he is also on a variety of drugs for his high cholesterol levels and incredibly high blood pressure.Now his blood pressure is dangerously high and no amount of medication can bring it down, he is a stroke just waiting to happen (he also is not a laid back chilled out kind of man) so he has been having tests to figure out what is causing this, and today he got his diagnosis. My dad has cirrhosis of the liver, they don't know at what stage it is, there will be more tests but it is very advanced. Now my dad drinks, he has always drank, now he only drinks wine in the evening, but it would be at least a bottle of wine every night, it used to be whiskey and Guinness, a lot of Guinness and whiskey! My mum used to take his wages off him and give him pocket money, because she was so worried we'd have no money for food.... sad
Now I love my dad, very much, he is a lovely man, but only human and dealt with the crap baggage he had by finding solace in a bottle. He was not an aggressive or abusive drunk, but he was a drunk, and Christmas days spent walking him around the block to try to sober him up before the dinner, and other awful memories, lying awake at three in the morning while he banged on the door my mother had locked at midnight, waiting for the window to break or the screech of his car tyres as he drove off to somewhere or someone unknown. When I left home I eventually got the balls to tell him he was an alcoholic, he was so hurt, he didn't talk to me for several months, and i don't think he ever forgave me, but i don't regret saying it.
Mum, called me today to tell me what the doctors had said, he has to stop drinking, immediately, but he won't, I know he won't she knows he won't! I am so sad tonight, we hear so much about drugs and the way they destroy lives but alcohol is the most damaging drug and our government make money out of it's abuse! Obviously I've always been conscious of my family history so on those times when I have over done it i think I feel a lot more fear than other people, I find it difficult to shrug it off! But now I'm gonna be even more worried, will I stop drinking totally? Why does that idea scare me? Social life in Ireland revolves around drinking, now I'm not a pub goer, I often choose to drive on a night out, and then I won't even have one drink, but the pressure of being a non drinker in the company of drinkers is awful. "Ah, go on, just have one!" We've all been there, we've all been Mrs. Doyled! When will that stop in Ireland? How many more lives and families will be destroyed?
5 comments:
Midget
as a non drinker I've seen the good and bad side of peoples reaction to it.
People tell you to "ah go on" because you not drinking makes them uncomfortable i.e. its your problem.
The reality is that normal adults and good friends aren't bothered by you not drinking.
Dermot
Midget... he hee. She's not a midget, she's merely petite. She is one who WRANGLES midgets. :)
I don't think anyone would really cause a problem if you stopped drinking - you just say you're on anti histamines or whatever if you ened an excuse.
I could give up, personally, but it's something I really only do in moderation, so I'm not too worried about it. I think sugar does me more harm, on balance.
However, if moderation's not an option and it comes to a choice between binge drinking or nothing, nothing has to be better. And the definnition of binge drinking is not what those of us who grew up drinking in fields think it is - it's like, four drinks, or something!
Hi Midge
My Dad was the same. After my mother dies he just fell apart. Drank whiskey night and day. Caused all sorts of problems and did dreadful things which he would be ashamed of if he knew. We tried for years to get him help, he was a man in his 80's though and there's no help for people that age. We even did an "Intervention" which was a failure. A man his age has nothing to lose. Not a job or a wife and he didn't drive either so no licence to lose so he had no need to stop. He's in a home today and it's primarily because of drink. If he never drank he would be living a normal healthy life in his own home as he had no other problems besides drink.
I know people who have stopped though, people you never would have thought would. So there is hope. And there are drugs for the withdrawal. If you ever want to talk about it let me know.
I don't drink and I never felt any pressure. If you don't drink at all people won't try and get you to, I find.
Thing is I like to drink....Not loads but like if my boyfriend and I cook dinner at home we'll have a bottle of wine, now generally if we go out to eat one will be driving so we won't drink.
You are right of course and good friends never pressure you to drink, but other people, people maybe I don't know so well, now I've never given in to the pressure when out and not drinking, and I am aware that it comes from peoples own insecurities!
The other side of my family tree, so my mother NEVER drank, I spent my youth hearing how evil it was, and I could see my dad, but I believed there was a middle ground? If I ever felt like I'd crossed that line, if the idea of a night out without a drink freaked me out ( I do know people like that) I'd stop full stop! I mean three pregnancies I didn't miss boooze!
I don't know Ash, I think he'll have his doctor giving him advice about drugs and stuff....I won't be involved.
Ais, I forgot that was your story - I thought it was MA's and was bemused to sniff her peach schnapps the other night!
You're right, it's easier if you never drink at all - you'd have to be a real wanker to push a drink on a teetoaller! Though it's worse the other way I suppose.
I have witnessed Midge pushing vodka on her neighbour ;) I think we all do it. Alcohol = relaxation, enjoyment, a treat. We need it to undo our inhibitions.
Personally, having experienced my wedding sober and been mauled by various drooling drunken people, it's turned me off excessive drinking for good. I find it really hard to enjoy people when they're really drunk. Some see it as cutting loose, I'd far prefer to have the real person present and aware of the people around them.
I wonder if Midge's Dad could really benefit from stopping drinking though - would the shock to his system after so many years of drinking so much, and ripping off the emotional bandaid it's been, be too much for him?
I hope the doctors can help, Midge, and your Dad can find a route he's comfortable with. It's such a difficult situation, I'm sorry.
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