Celebrate!!!!

OHMIGOD!

I am back in the real world.....my wonderful nerdilicious friends Polka and Atreus fixed my laptop.....when it looked like it was for the knackers yard! They also sorted out my desktop....which I am using now....sad I know, but I'm scared to use my laptop incase I destroy it again!

The last week has been hellish, the loss of my computer meant I had no way to express myself. That's quite sad isn't it? That ther is something in me that needs to be expressed in this manner! I have felt myself slipping into a dark night of the soul kind of mood! Not good, not good at all. I found my conversations with people about very mundane things became riddled with anger and angst, I was telling myself to shut the fuck up and stop being so narky but it just wasn't working!

This all happened the week of the blog awards, I had a ball and I met such wonderful writers and photographers but I have to admit to feeling humbled, I never think I'm a good writer, I write down the mad rambling voice in my head that I've carried around for nearly 35 years now....but I never think that's writing, and after meeting fellow bloggers and talking to them I feel a bit like a Dickie Rock impersonator after meeting the man himself! Totally like my wig has slipped and my Naas accent is ruining the show!

I am not looking for any affirmation here now lads and lassies, I'm just expressing what's been going on in my little walnut of a noggin! I have been wondering why I blog, I realised on Saturday that people have a reason to do it, they want to start businesses or they want book deals....neither of which I can see coming out of my mad ramblings! I seem to just vent in a semi public place I suppose? I also like to tell funny stories, but I'm the first to admit I've lost my sparkle a bit recently and I don't think I'm quite the Joan Rivers I once was (oh have you seen her jewellery line on QVC.....wow! I watched a lot of QVC when pregnant, I developed pregnancy insomnia, oh and pregnancy nymphomania.....poor husband, middle of the night being pinned down by a randy rhino!)So Why do I continue to blog?

I know it's a form of social interaction for me in a way, I like to read other blogs, see what other people write, but I am not a great commentor as I get sucked into writing comments that are way too personal and detailed. Some of our great award winning bloggers like Una, Sinead and Twenty intimidate me with their writing styles that I don't comment...I lurk, in my dirty mac and oversized sunglasses. I liked it on Saturday when people who had seen this silly little diary said they had gotten something from reading it, they feel like they have experienced the highs and lows of the past 10 months. That made me smile, because I have felt a bit like that too.

You know that poem "Footprints" the one about God carrying you through the bad times, I love that, to me it's not God but love and positive energy in the universe but the idea is the same and to me this silly little excercise in narcissism has carried me. At times when I just wanted to drink a bottle of vodka and not think for a few months I have often found more support here than from my flesh and blood old skool friends, probably because I often hide the truth from those who love me, because I love them too and to see the hurt and fear for me in their eyes is just too much to bear sometimes. I am trying to be more honest with them, but it looks like the woman who couldn't tell a lie has become decietful throught heartache!

So I am delighted to be back in the world of the blogging. I am gonna try to be more faithful aswell, and maybe more honest here to, if I tell you the truth being shortlisted for the blog award made me feel self conscious, I felt like my soul was being judged, I was more gaurded that I wanted to be!

So in the next few days I intended to tell you the truth the whole truth and nothing but the truth....anyone have any questions they really want answered? Any lurkers out there....like I lurk on other peoples blog corners? I'd love to meet in some kind of blog lurker support group, swap tips on how to get stains out of Macs?