Love is......

At the moment I am fascinated with the nature of romantic love, I think because I was in a relationship from 17 until 34 I never real thought about it, I mean maybe I did when I was 17 and it was all about questions, but my relationship became the back drop to my life, my last year in school, my college career, all my jobs I was always part of a package I was a unit with my ex I have only ever been a "midgeandex" we became the one person as regards our friends, I often wonder now what it must be like for them to see us with our new partners or even just alone.

Now I am single, well I am in a relationship with my new guy, who is lovely but I am reticent to give up my "single" tag, and I think that bothers him (or maybe not, he knows it's just the labeling I have issues with) , now I was in a relationship for a very longtime and I was never my own person, alone, making decisions just for myself (well now I make decisions for me and three other little people!) So now although I am in a relationship, not single in the sense of noticing or being interested in other men, but I am so single compared to the last 17ish years of my life! Sitting the other night chatting to my fella and he said (not for the first time) "you got very good at being alone very quickly", and I suppose I did, I went from sleeping curled around my partner for 14 years to sleeping alone and in fact finding it hard to sleep when my boyfriend is there. I love not having to sit in the evenings and watch my ex's crappy taste in TV programmes or silly football matches (let me say now I never watch soaps or anything so he can't complain, he had the control over the TV) Now I did all these things because I loved my ex and I wanted to make him happy by sharing these things with him, but at 35 I am reticent to ever do those things again!

As I wrote on the group blog a friend of mine who is not available has just fallen passionately in love with someone other than her significant other, she is unable to eat or think about anything other than being with this other person, I am torn. I do not believe because she has fallen in love it's OK for her to end her relationship, does that make me cynical? Now I always knew her relationship wasn't based on passion and that meant there was always the opportunity for this to happen, but now that it has happened I am at a loss of what to say to her, "Go, live your life to the limit, don't think about the commitments you will have to break?" I was a commitment my ex had to leave behind to go with his heart, and that hurts like hell and isn't OK. Can I say it's not OK for people to leave me or the people I love but then I encourage the people I love to follow their hearts....arghhhh! I want her to be happy, but I don't know if a passionate love affair will make her happy? I don't know if leaving a stable secure relationship that caters to a lot of her needs is really what she needs? I feel she needs to look at what she isn't getting from her relationship at the moment, I believe her relationship could be saved! But is that worth it....? Will she be all dried up and bitter when she is older, wondering about what could have been?

LOVE!

I know what love is, I think I'm an expert in the many types of love, maternal, friendship, sisterly, parental...but the love that eludes me is romantic love, I admit I just don't get it, I can feel passion and love, affection, is that what it is? Or is it something else? I love spending time with my guy, but then I find myself pushing him away for that very reason. I want to be loved and cared for, but I am terrified of letting people into my life too much because I know how much it hurts when that person leaves for good.

Maybe I'm a bit jealous of my friends stable relationship without passion, I think if she knew the loss of a passionate love (which I do) she would think twice...or maybe not....maybe my cynical outlook has just clouded my vision too much????

Really no idea where to go with this post or with the advice my friend is looking for.....